I don’t know what made me do it last night, but I called a friend and invited him out. I’ve never done that to him before. Ever. I’ve sent emails. Invitations to things have come up in conversations, yet almost in jest. I’m not jesting about the inviting, just covering up the anticipation of the polite decline. I’ve said before that I feel like I’m his space-filling friend and it’s obvious I’m being hurtful in saying that. I only joke to obscure the DoYouHateMeNow questionmark above my head. I’d erase it if I could because I’m quite sure he doesn’t hate me. He has caller ID on his phone, I’m sure. I caught him driving. What else is new? I told him, “I’ll probably pee my pants if you show up.” Even though I laughed when I said it, I know my bladder. It’s probably no joke.
He has another commitment. Or, he thinks he does. No, he is sure of it…but he is just not sure when. Or something. I have to laugh for real. I can see him, trying to check the mental calendar. He doesn’t even know what day he’s on. He asks when Christmas is. I’m confused, too because I say, “in two weeks.” He thinks there is a chance his other commitment is next week. I’ve (inadvertently) given myself false hope by not being on the same page. I guess it’s better than not being on any page at all…or something like that.
~*LunaSea*~ 