I signed up to come here again and I’m not exactly sure why. If ever there was a mental illness about a place, it’s held here. There are embarrassments hidden behind every porte francaise, athletisch fangen Sie auf regrets. Tweny years is a long time but yet, I still feel this way.
This is the mulligan of my memories; the doozy of all do-overs; the greatest saga of second chances ever told. It’s not that I squandered my time here and need lost youth back. I’m not in search of childhood games. It’s not that I want to present a different face to this lost land. It’s that I came here, to this place, confused and misguided. The blinders of another life were still covering who I was meant to be. I lived by a belief system that was fundamentally flawed. I was a tangle of torment, but it didn’t have to be that way.
So. So, why go back? I don’t know. I haven’t a clue. This is my place of hurt. This is my place of shame. But, it’s also my place of unraveling. I came here in knots. This is where life loosened a little for me. In the end, the threads weren’t so complicated. I made one of the dearest friends I’ll ever have. I learned that snow is sh!t. I followed a pickle jar into peanut butter. I became Sweetpea and learned how to drive.
I don’t know if I’m strong enough to go alone. I was reliving my trip to West Cornwall with a friend. She asked if I brought anyone with me and her eyes grew wide when I said no, I went alone. She understood that to go back to a time of hurt, by myself, was huge. What would she think of this?
~*LunaSea*~ 
From where I sit, it sounds like this was a time of profound growth and change in your life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the fun and even the embarrasing … these are all pieces of a whole experience that helped you to grow into the person you are today. Not all growth and change is easy. I suppose that is why some one long ago coined the term “growing pains”.
It takes strength to go back, strength that you definitely have. So, go back and remember where you came from so that you can be proud of who you are today. As they say … it’s been a “long strange trip”, but sometimes we all need to unravel a little if we ever expect to make progress. Those of us who know you as you are today are proud of you and we know that you are a most amazing person. Don’t let anyone or anything ever make you doubt that truth. 🙂 Love ya!
thank you. your words are beautiful.
45 min up the road I watched something change me for the better, then for the worse, but I came through the other side and it was better again. (although feel very bad for the ones going through the bad up there now)
okay. a little cryptic but I can respect that (right, SB?) Like sun slipping behind the clouds… I suppose all we need to do is wait a minute…
The amazing woman I know, is kind, generous, funny, loving, forgiving, wise and open. Honest and true…beautiful inside and out. We all have pasts that we look at and say,”Would I have? Why did I? Wonder if…?”
You faced your demons, and now they are free to roam away from you H my dear.
You said you unraveled, now you can say you can be who you were meant to be. Kudos friend…I am just learning this! Look how early in life you are doing it!!! I want you to know that I am here for you always…
You did well, very well, and the best is yet to come! I am proud of you.
(((hugs and more hugs)))
thank you, thank you! I have had this push-pull struggle all my life (maybe I’m the Dr. Doolittle creature reincarnate?)