I am on the doorstep of getting back to good.
When Kisa and I were first dating …no. Let me rephrase. When Kisa and I were in the throes of seriousness and living together full tilt I would randomly blurt out “don’t leave me.” I don’t know where this utterance came from or why I sounded so desperate. But, it was my darkest fear. He would sometimes joke his response, “where would I go?” but more often he would sense the seriousness and whisper “I’m not going anywhere.” In those days I was petrified he would decide I was too damaged, too whacked out for his sensibilities. The last time I seriously feared this was when I was standing in a wedding gown, feet encased in ice. I was more than 30 minutes late to my own ceremony because I was convinced I wasn’t good enough. Kisa was already at the alter so I couldn’t tell him Don’t Leave. Kisa knew all my secrets but that didn’t change my Turn Back attitude.
These days he is my rock. I don’t ask him not to leave as much. It still slips out from time to time but it has become more of a private joke than anything else. I still feel like I’m a crystal vase with a hidden crack, a perfect rose with an aphid problem, a masterpiece with peeling paint. But, as Jackson Browne said “Do not confront me with my failures. I have not forgotten them.”
I am on the doorstep of healing.
~*LunaSea*~ 
It is our quirks, unique habits and “flaws” that make us exactly who we are. You are right to embrace those qualities in yourself. (after all, the people who love you already have!)
i totally understand this blog!!
Gahhh! I have said this and done this! I have nightmares that my fingers can’t dial Mark’s number and he is far away in the woods somewhere. Anymore, when I have a nightmare he says, “Babe, it s just a dream… just a dream” *sigh* yeah, I know… issues.
RT~ It’s funny just how “embracing” some of us can be!
Sarah~ here’s the thing about love: I’ve learned that it’s a life line but never your life.
Dragonfly~ I’ll have to look up the woods theme in my dreambook for ya! 😉