This is not the blog that was scheduled to leave my mind today. Like a security escorted entourage this one took precedence and took over. I want to stop a moment and thank someone for seeing me so clearly from so many miles away. She wrote a blog that punctured through everything I have been feeling. It’s as if she had been a ghost in my kitchen, hovering over the conversations kisa & I had, but hearing my heart instead.
I am not afraid of change. I am the girl who took charge without knowing the challenge. I’m the girl who said yes to upheaval just to have something different. Hell, I even hacked off 9″ of hair this weekend. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, to imagine my life as something someone else can predict means I’m not living up to my potential.
Here’s what scares me. I’m in the crossroads of what next? Should I stay or should I go? Right now, I am unfocused, drifting, shoreless. No direction home. I don’t like planning for something without a game plan. I don’t like the potential for powerless. Here’s an idea: Imagine not knowing which people (if any) will be in your life a year from now. Does it make a difference to you? The same could be said for my sanity.
Maybe it’s the fact I am dressed in black today, ready to mourn the loss of someone’s mother. Maybe it’s the fact I’m in uncharactistically high heels and do not look anything like myself (and it’s not just the haircut). Maybe it’s the weather (what a cold and rainy day) and apathy has set in.
So, I thank my friend for getting it, getting me, and getting to the point. I may be standing on the platform in Indecision City, but I know someone out there has my direction home.
~*LunaSea*~ 
hey dear,
good luck with everything-sounds like big things are happening. and trust me, lately, I know all about big changes. oh man.
looking at apartments the first week in June, moving in sometime in the beginning of July. you’ll have to come see the new place. it probably won’t be much of anything yet, decoration wise and furniture-wise but that’s OK.
I miss you.
Hello darling! thanks for the luck…
can’t wait to see you & your changes! xoxox
Sometimes we have a roadmap, a guide, a sense of direction. Othertimes we drift along happy to have no real plan, schedule or timeline. Sounds like you are temporarily stuck between those two places.
Luckily, in this life you never need to have all the answers all the time, and thank goodness for that! If we had all the answer all the time … that would take away all the things that makes life an interesting and wonderful adventure.
You’ll figure it out kid, but it sounds like that impatient side of you is not liking having to wait. Take a breather and enjoy this moment. Things will be sorted out to your liking soon enough, I’m certain of that.
Oh my! Thank you! You are most welcome…I am so glad Crossroads spoke to you. It is where I am and everything is teetering on the brink…
Too much, too many, which way?
Powerless and on the cusp. Can’t think, can’t talk, just… there…what next? Will it matter?
Hey, Indescision City is a good place to stay for awhile 😉 I am hoping it will lead to Better Days Bay!!!
xoxoxo hang in there friend…
I remembered this picture on this post (and always knew exactly where it is). But, forgot it this week (perhaps only conciously), and now remembered where it was; and it’s the place (and the thing) that I used as a model for all three classes I taught this week. As a result, there are a few exceptionally quick starts to paintings and drawings of this particular skiff.
(I miss it already)
I have missed it always. Your island art hangs with equal care with the Wyeth, the Stone, the Wiley…can’t wait to see more.