Never Should Have

Posted on by gr4c5

I never should have listened to you. I never should have got my hopes up or my heart set. Shame on me for being so optimistic, so g-damn hopeful.
This was her house. Sacred ground of a grandmother not mine. Home to the perfect grandparent. Cookies at Christmas instead of before-during-after cocktails amany. Real hugs and kisses instead of Don’t Muss the Makeup air fakers. She wouldn’t have bought me patent leather shoes and insisted on making us match. Twins not born on the same day, or even in the same year. I honored this woman because she was real. It would have been a real honor to live in her home. Her ghost walking my floor.
You never should have got my hopes up or my heart set. I dreamed of living with like a queen. A queen with an angel on her shoulder. You never should have convinced me this could work. the perfect lawn, the perfect garden, the perfect life – mine for the taking. I’m angry and hurtful for letting you allow me to live the American dream. I had a white picket fence in my sleep.
Disappointment hurts deep. I will walk away from the red house. Don’t hate me if I turn my back forever. Even if chance does change I won’t turn around. Condescending tones. When I was your age bullsh!t. I don’t need that. Not at my age and my intelligence. Don’t insult me further by saying there might be a chance because I’ve closed that chapter already. I’ve moved on from that nightmare. Let Grace haunt the halls for someone else.

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Published by gr4c5

I write. I read. I cook. I run. That's me, in a nutshell.

6 thoughts on “Never Should Have”

  1. Oh gosh, I am so sorry for your pain and sadness. Many many hugs and angels light to you. xoxoxo

  3. thanks you guys! It’s really hard to be mad at J and be disappointed at the same time. Rule of the game: never, ever let your emotions lead the way!

  4. obviously I don’t know the whole story, and I’m sure you’ll fill me in soon, but I’m sorry. sounds upsetting.

    you will find someplace wonderful. you’ll make it home. ::hugs::

  5. Oh honey, I am so sorry that it all fell through. It is hard to not get your hopes up when your trying to do something that big. Try not to be too mad at the big guy, I am sure he is dealing with his own upset over this. Don’t let your upset over this one thing define your entire world right now, because it shouldn’t, and I have faith that it won’t. Find your center and from there draw strength from this experience, for both of you.

  6. Someone smart told me not to fall in love while house-hunting and I didn’t! Honest to all get out, I didn’t until he started talking, talking, talking. Then, we had the family “meeting”…
    Luckily, we are going away for 10 days so I have time to “get over it.” *sigh*

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