In my book called life there is not one that chapter that doesn’t have at least one sentence of guilt. I’ve heard that purging is a good way to get rid of things, especially guilt. Let the spew begin:
If I could put you and her together, you would be the perfect woman…or, wait. She would. ** I blame you for this family’s problems. ** She’s just a better friend. ** He’s just a best friend. ** Ever believe in second chances? ** We made each other better people…too bad it’s for someone else. ** I don’t want anything to do with — and you are —. ** I never want to not know you. ** I want a divorce. ** I’m looking forward to seeing sirsy without you. ** This won’t hurt too much. ** I quit. ** Can we switch rooms tonight? ** You will grow to hate him. ** I didn’t want you. ** Once you have had the perfect cake, who needs frosting? ** I’ll be your best friend. ** You’re not that kind of friend. ** We’re too different. ** I just want you gone. ** You are not welcome in my house. ** — was a one night stand. ** It’s not that I don’t believe you, it’s that I don’t believe IN you. ** It will never happen again. ** I can stop anytime I want to. ** The leaf is falling off the tree. ** — died instantly. ** Libraries will be obsolete in a few years, anyway. ** What are you, stupid? ** I don’t have a problem with — ** Are you sure it’s okay? ** I’m okay.
I like staring at the art on my walls. I’m not sure if it’s a sense of pride or a sense of person that keeps me standing still. If I don’t know the artist, I certainly know the image. In most cases I know both, for they are all portrayals, stills if you will, of my island life. Stories in frames. My home in intimate detail. My history in watercolor, oil and pencil. My memory lane matted and framed. Neimic, Stone (Jr. & Sr.), Barnes, Larson, Johnson, Bush, Tihansky, Caroll, Brooks, Wyeth, Drexler to name some. A little bit of everyone. The cliffs, the ocean, the harbor, the woods, in town, out of the way. Most of me is represented in art.


Bank, Melissa. The Girls’ Guide to Hunting and Fishing. New York: Penguin, 2000.
I started last night not knowing where I was going. When you’re on a treadmill you never know where you are going to end up. We are all gerbils going nowhere, but the emotional, mental end of the journey is a different story. Luckily for me it ended up being my best run in nine months. I rediscovered the elusive runners’ high. I was drowning in the electric buzz for hours afterwards.
Nick Bantock’s trilogy evokes very romantic feelings for me. Way before Book Lust the first offering in the trilogy, Griffin & Sabine was given to me by a secret lover. 23 years old, I was in lust/love with the bearer, and I think initially as a direct result, the book won my instant favor as well. Later, I determined it was an aphrodisiac for the mind as I repeatedly poured over each gloriously illustrated page (also by Bantock). I was as careful and as loving as a caress. The delicious unfolding, opening, and reading of letters and postcards was as tantalizing and seemingly illicit as my affair. Never mind the storyline of ill-fated lovers, destined to never be together, however passionately in love. That wasn’t only what excited me. The artwork drew me in and captivated me to no end. If candles, soft music, and wine stir passion through sight, sound and palate then Griffin & Sabine is for the artistic intellect.

I was wondering what I did on my birthday last year. Why didn’t I write about it? Where was I that I wouldn’t say something, anything? Florida. Tampa…no, Brandon, to be exact. That’s where I was. I remember now. I practiced five minutes of yoga and ran two miles in the morning. B made me breakfast. Humidity was fun for me. That same weekend J & I set sail for the Caribbean. Dave and Friends, Sunshine and sand. G. Love & funk. Buffets and booze. No wonder I didn’t write.
Commager, Henry Steele, ed. The Blue and the Gray: From the Battle of Gettysburg to Appomattox.2nd ed. New York: Merridian, 1994.