Protecting My Good

“- – – – – – Says:
January 23rd, 2007 at 11:37 pm e
blank stares means I have confused and angered…and that makes me giddy”

I can’t decide how this statement makes me feel. Angry? Not necessarily. No. Sad, yes probably. Not good, though. I definitely don’t feel happy about this statement. For the past two weeks I have been dealing with people who felt they were dealt a raw deal. Up until last night I was looking forward to running away and not dealing with what was dealt. I’ve changed my mind about that.
Maybe it’s the yoga. No. I know it’s the yoga because something amazing has come over me. I think it’s called Calm. I am Quitting the Caring. I have determined I don’t need statements like this one in my life. Ordinarily, I would have done some calling out, and argued it out, and out and out and out. Rehashing the ugly. Not so this time. I’m simply saying I don’t agree with it. End of story.

I left someone because I thought he was too negative for my already black-clouded space (that, and the sad fact that he couldn’t keep it in his pants). But, really. Standing just this side of suicidal I needed sunshine, not cynicism and cheating sex. He couldn’t shake his own Eeyore attitude (or Her for that matter). He couldn’t deliver anything but derogatory remarks about the world around him, so I dearly departed him. Years later I still think of him in his Florida funk and wonder if making people confused and angry would make him giddy. Probably. Evoking a negative emotion in someone to create self~happiness really doesn’t make sense to me. But, it would to him, I’m sure. Here’s the thing: I don’t want or need an explanation. I’m okay with knowing I don’t want this negativity in my life. I want to surround myself with people who love their lives, are happy with who they are. I want to be around people who won’t Box me in or Eeyore me out. Those are the someones who will protect my good. Help me protect my good. Say something good, please. It will mean the world to me in these nagging, negative times.