Hell does have a name. Hell, hell has several names. Shopping…malls…Macy’s. Take your evil. Pick your poison. Five hours of scouring racks, trudging into fitting rooms, undressing and cringing, fighting static electricity all the while, not wanting to scrutinize lines too closely, yet knowing if I didn’t someone else would, deciding “no, this doesn’t work” only to start the process all over again. Back to the racks. Pushing aside hangers of too flashy, too shiny, too young, too short, too I’mNotThatGirl, too Holy-Cow-They-Want-$250-For-That?! Finding one or two things to haul back to the all-telling mirrors. Glancing over the shoulder, deciding something’s just not quite right (oh wait. It’s me that’s not quite right). Back and forth. Forth and back.
Halfway through the process I noticed a stain right in the middle of my turtleneck and my sweater was beyond brimming with snapping static. My feet were hurting and by dress #8 I broke a nail trying to negotiate the too-tight zipper. That should have told me something right there. With each try-on I felt fatter and fatter. Uglier and uglier. I started to curse my cousin and question why big, fat me had to attend his wedding. The dressing room felt too tiny and someone had turned up the heat. Too make matters worse, some lady tried to steal my dressing room while I was in my mother’s dressing room deep in consultation. How this woman had missed my inside-out jeans on the floor, my cat hair covered coat on the seat, my purse hanging on the door…not to mention the stained turtleneck lying crumpled in the doorway, is beyond me.
Finally, frustration found me and I started trying on black anythings. Black, black, black. Not a shred of color. I settled on something with rhinestones, something fit for a funeral. Shopping had been the death of me. I was so relieved to be finished, done with the search that when I dressed back into my clothes for the final time I put my turtleneck on backwards and forgot to zip my jeans.
ps~ while this makes a great end to the story, just wait until you hear about what happened at the wedding…Hell gets worse.
~*LunaSea*~ 
Sounds like you had some rather mild fun in hell. Reading about it, however, sure was hilarious! Thanks for making me laugh 🙂
If you only knew how much I hate, hate, hate shopping you would understand my agony! 😉 Oh wait. I think you know! Glad I made you laugh, though!
I do, I do. Some weeks (or months or whatever) ago I bought this fancy shirt because I, too, had to attend a wedding and it gave me a mean rash on my neck. Sucked to be me…
i know how you feel! if only we could all wear trash bags 😛
Umm, I hear you. Shopping + trying on clothes is one of my (many) nightmares too! 😉 :p
Sascha~ a rash on the neck?? Ouch! Was it the tag?
sarah~ From the knees down I have great legs so I think you are right, a trash bag would have been perfect!
NM~ My favorite thing to do is go to Goodwill, buy cheap clothes (without trying them on) and if they don’t actually fit, give them away. That way I’m not spending $175 on one garment I’ll never wear again!
Wow, that`s an interesting way to do it! 😉
I just stick with my 501s. No need to try them on anymore-I only need to get the proper waist size and I`m done. 😉 My wardrobe is rather simple in general, so I can usually speed up my shopping and cut down on stress easily. I`m not hip, but I don`t care. 🙂 😉
Oh yes, the ever flattering florescent lighting, a three-way mirror to really get you in touch with the size of your butt and the great debate over why the same size fits so differently in each different brand of jeans (or in your case, dress). I still have never understood why some people LOVE to shop for clothes. And lets not even mention the fun of shopping for a swim suit – YIKES
Some people have that perfect figure…or maybe they’re just crazy! Bathing suits? Yikes is right! Don’t go there!
Oh no, it wasn’t the tag…it looked like a rash-necklace, so I suspect the collar. It really hurt and we stayed at the wedding until forever.
sounds horrible! 😦 Weddings can go on…and on…and on! We stayed until the bitter end, too!
Have I mentioned yet that I realized my pants were to tight like 20minutes before I had to leave for the ceremony? I must’ve gained some weight since the last time I had put them on (which was approximately a year before the weeding)!
Really?! – now you’re just trying to make me feel better! 😉
Unfortunately, I am not 😦
oh no! I guess we can say we have learned some fashion “lessons” 🙂