With Absolute Abandon

I am obsessed with you. Every word you utter ripples through me; sends shivers down my spine and spears my heart. I cannot get enough of your voice and how you say what you do. I capture my tongue hostage for fear of parroting too much, driving others insane with incessant talktalktalk of you. It’s all in what you say that makes it impossible for me to fall silent.
I realize this is my way. This has always been my way. I fall in love easily, carelessly, with absolute abandon. New fascinations rein supreme while old loves are tossed aside without favor. Over and over and over again. How my husband tolerates me I’ll never know.
But, but, but, back to you. Always you. If you were to stand before me, if I knew you, would I have the courage to confront your voice? Would I be capable of communicating my devotion to your craft? I hate the heartache you force me to feel. I am a fool for your politics, your positions. I don’t walk away easily – for even after I have removed myself your words follow me. Like a fine coating of dust that can’t be wiped clean you cover my conscience. You preach the imperfections and I pour over every word like a new language I have yet to understand.