I went through a little post trauma yesterday. Even though the tanker accident is long over and traffic moves on and I said my peace & prayers I wasn’t prepared for to pass the spot. See, usually everyday I pick up kisa from his work, and usually everyday I take that same exit where the accident happened. For all intents and purposes, I usually mimic the car that caused the accident; trying to get on the highway & blend with the rushing vehicles already going my way. Except for the past four days I had been avoiding that spot. Last night was my first time driving the route since the trucker died…and I couldn’t do it. Kisa took the wheel and took over. What surprised me was how I flinched when he smoothly merged between two cars. Am I scared of traffic? Will I be gunshy from now on? How I winced when we came upon the scene of the accident. Have I lost my aggressive nature? What exactly bothered me? The shiny new guard rail? The workers still trying to pick up pieces of debris & rake over the black scorched earth? The evidence was like a fresh wound, ugly and raw. To me, it was like driving through someone else’s hell and feeling the pain. It hurt and I don’t know why.
~*LunaSea*~ 
It takes time for the soul to come to a good place with the reality of the awful truths of life. You won’t “get over it”, but it is more likely that you will come to your own place of peace and understanding. You’ll get there when you are ready. No need to rush yourself. After all, there is more than one way to go home.
((((HUGS))))))
I used to avoid Rte 101 here in NH after seeing a horrific accident take place right in front of me. Impatient woman in a car 3 cars up from me, kept bobbing and weaving into the oncoming traffic lane, trying to pass the 3 cars in front of her. Finally, as we were rounding a bend in the highway, she went for it, speeding up to pass the cars in front of her. Too late and not fast enough to avoid the mack truck that was rounding the corner in the opposite direction. I’ll remember forever the sound of her car smashing head on into that truck, the squealing tires, the groaning sound the truck made as it jackknifed across the road. We, the cars behind her, managed to avoid the accident, although some had to be towed out of the marsh they drove into to avoid the collision. We stood around for hours, giving statements to the police about what happened, watching the truck driver being loaded into an ambulance (minor injuries and some bruised ribs) and watching another ambulance showing up, they put up a plastic screen to block our view, but when they brought out a gurney with a large black bag on top, we knew she was gone. I think I remember telling you this story before, but I’m with you on this. I still flinch when I hear squealing brakes and I try to avoid that one section of 101, even though since then, it has been turned into a 4 lane divided highway, the bend in the road is still there and still reminds me of that night.
RT~ I drove the route myself tonight. I just needed some time to put the flames behind me.
S~ Wednesday?
Glass~ I honestly think I was to learn something from all this. Maybe there is a message for you in it, too?
next week? 4/9?
yes. 4/9. Are you free?
I like to drive different ways home just to break up the same ol’ routine. problem is that there are certain things each way that kinda make me flinch. some spots it only happens every so often…like the spot where I absolutely killed an old neighborhood dog in a very gross ford meets fido accident…or the spot where a friend rolled his mustang. one spot makes me nervous every time I drive through it and imagine my friend being T-boned by a drunk driver. All the thoughts that go with that intersection make me cringe everytime but I just turn up the stereo to get through it. sometimes that helps the thoughts go by quicker
I hear ya. We all have ghosts that visit us (whether we want them to or not)…it’s just in how we deal that’s important. xoxo