I could kiss my kisa for being so so so there. I was driving us home and without warning I blurted out how hurt my heart was. Broken, I said. He was patient, logical…comforting…as best as he could be. He offered advice I couldn’t take. “Call” he said simply. No. NoWayNoHow I countered. I can’t. I want to disappear. Really truly. Remove myself as if I never happened. Ever. I’m doing that slowly, carefully, despite Kisa’s “don’t do that.” I can’t help it. Can’t. Help. Despite being angry I am caught. Confused. Embarrassed.
So, I ran. For the first time this week. I know, I know. It’s Thursday. When you have two jobs and a need to catch up it’s hard to catch the run. It becomes less important. Sadly. So, tonight while dinner was cooking, I got on the tread…as an abbreviated 20 minute run – intervals. 12 minute mile (slow end) 6 minute mile (faster side). I found myself sobbing during the pounding parts. Everything hurt. Rob Thomas tells me there’s no getting back to good. Great. My “cool down” was 10 minute mile and it felt ridiculously slow despite not being able to breathe. This run is simply not done.
Dear You: I heard your music and could only think of swamps and being stuck. Damn him and his mind change! Hang in there.
17 days until Darfur.
~*LunaSea*~ 
i mirror your comment to me … uuuughhh!!! let’s definitely set aside some time to talk. seems we’re overdue …
Sh!t hit the fan last night so I need some time to sort some things out…How’s next Friday? Got plans? You will need a BIG bottle for this call.
Run it out. Cry it out. Whatever you need to do. But get those feeling OUT … so they don’t manifest somewhere else. It’s not always easy getting it all out, but many times the things that are best for us are not the easy choices. See ya soon kid!
next friday is good for me. sierra will be home and she’s usually up a little late on weekends but i can head her into bed to watch a movie about 9 p.m. if that works for you. i’ll buy a big bottle and make sure the phone is FULLY charged. but if you need to talk before then, call anytime! sending a HUGE hug your way. xoxoxo
RT~ I’m getting really good at feeling the emotion, letting some lesson come from it, and then moving on. Don’t worry, I’m working on it! See you soon!
Bec~ i love your plan. Because bedtimes aren’t a precise science, call me when you are ready. Everything is a jumbled mess so I will wait until Friday to spill it. Thanks for charging the phone! 😉 xoxox
call me if you need me. (((HUGS)))
p.s. i love how your 1 minute of your “cooldown” would have kicked my A$$
Right now I’m operating on less than three hours of sleep so I am beyond loopy (great for an emergency staff meeting)….I think I just need a bath and a book and hope that I don’t drown myself in the process of trying to unwind! 😉