November Numbness

“Live a life steeped in experiences.” That’s what my tea bag therapist said this morning. I’m not sure what to make of that advice, considering I have been passing each day as if waiting for something, but not exactly sure what.

I keep going back to the hospital for x-rays and answering mind-throttling questions like, “when did you break your back? How long have you been having extremity nerve pain?” Nearly passing out from lack of comprehension, I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t, but at that moment I sat there in silence with a stuck-in-dumb expression on my face. Yes, my back hurts from time to time, but broken? Yes, I have been complaining about my hands and feet falling asleep, but pain? I was there to get my protruding rib cage scrutinized. Now they tell me it’s a nodule on my lung and abnormally high white blood cell counts. “Probably a viral infection,” the nurse said of my white blood cell count. This was before the nodule on my left lung (25% malignant cancer) was a reality via CT scan. Are the two related? Am I falling to pieces? Sure feels that way. In the meantime, I have buried myself in books:

Fiction (Lots of books for kids and young adults):

• David and the Phoenix by Edward Ormondroyd (AB): a book for children, added in honor of Fantasy Month.
• The Pinballs By Betsy Byars: another kids book added in honor of Adoption month.
• Ceremony by Leslie Marmon Silko.
• Martin Dressler: the Tale of an American Dreamer by Steven Millhauser.
• The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman (EB).
• Foolscap, or, the Stages of Love by Michael Malone.
• Patience and Sarah by Isabel Miller.

Nonfiction:

• She’s Not There: a Life in Two Genders by Jennifer Finney Boylan.
• The Caliph’s House by Tahir Shah.
• Expecting Adam: the Story of Birth, Rebirth, and Magic by Martha Beck (AB)

Series continuation:

• Scales of Gold by Dorothy Dunnett.