There are times in your life when you should leave well enough alone. Don’t open Pandora’s Box because it will only have you questioning the unanswerable, lamenting the unchangeable.
I read your diary today. The 1990 version to be exact. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry over your apparent insanity. Afraid to be alone, petrified to be yourself, terrified to speak your mind, pitiful to witness, even now. Even still. You actually wrote, and I quote, ” –‘s birthday. Please tell me we’re still together!” Couldn’t you try for a relationship where there would be no doubt, or was that too much to ask? Everyday was another fight, another break-up, another make-up bitch session. Hate, love, hate. No wonder you couldn’t keep your head on straight.
The subsequent years (1993-1998) weren’t that much better. Different “loves”, same old debate. Love. Hate. You still couldn’t open your mouth to save your life. You should have died.
I’m staring into Pandora’s Box remember too much of what I shouldn’t and thinking sleeping dogs don’t bite. Why wake, why remember? You should be dead to me, like all the rest. You should be just another number, another failed attempt of something called love. I shouldn’t call your name let alone remember it. I dream of your face and hope it’s nothing like memory. Fresh starts are made of this. Closing of the box.



I go through phases. Musically obsessed, I will listen to one artist over and over again until something takes me off course. I am not exactly sure what dictates this audio gorging, but I’ve always been this way. Ask my mother and she’ll tell you about an ABBA cassette I wore out in the 7th grade. Get me hooked on something and I don’t give it up. Won’t give it up. Ever since kisa was able to get bootlegs of BubbleGum I have been in his audience for months now. Sometimes I’m the back, absently humming along. Other times I’m right up in the front row, screaming my heart out. Daily doses of BubbleGum. Two nights ago I watched Any Given Thursday back to back with a New York show from earlier this year, trying to reconcile 2002 with 2007. I still can’t believe it’s the same guy! Just last night kisa found a secret show, something recorded at 1am. Intriguing.


It dawned on me in the middle of my lasagna that the Chuck Lelas Memorial 10k walk/run is next month almost to the day. I haven’t run an inch since March…early March. If you do the math, a 10k isn’t a stroll in the park. It’s over six freakin’ miles. That’s many, many, many inches.

Okay, so the whole charity name is Susan G. Komen for the Cure. The name change is to show their commitment to fighting breast cancer. Okay. I can understand the need for new energy. Just last week I watched a CNN program on how cancer research hasn’t progressed very much. Oh sure, we’re learning all the different ways cancer can crop up. It seems like everything these days “causes cancer.” But, we’re not researching the hot ticket – the real reason why people die from cancer. According to Lance Armstrong we need to focus more on why and how a cancer spreads – metastasizes. If that’s where Komen for the Cure is headed then good for them.