Category: Good

24 hours

gr4c5Leave a comment

Iles, Greg. 24 Hours. New York: G.P. Putnam’s Sons, 2000.

A kidnapping mystery set in Mississippi…sort of an odd read for the holiday season, but December is the month Mississippi became a state.
Here’s the storyline: Basically, this guy, Joe, has set up the perfect kidnapping scheme. He targets a doctor who has a spouse and child, learns all he can about the doctor’s family and then while the doc is at an annual convention he kidnaps his/her child. His cousin (a hulking man with the IQ of a chipmunk) holds the child in a remote location while his “wife” entertains the male parent and Joe entertains the female parent for 24 hours. They call each other every 30 minutes and if a call is missed Cousin Chipmunk kills the kid. In the AM one parent wires the ransom to the other parent so the kidnapper doesn’t have any connection to the withdrawal. The money is always an amount the doctor can afford and the kidnapping always works because the child is worth more than getting the money back or calling the police. The detail that makes the whole thing work are the every 30 minutes phone calls. Everything hinges on those calls and the convention – because the convention is the guarantee the doctor will be separated from the rest of the family for at least 24 hours.
Despite the brilliant plot I have two problems with detail. In the beginning both parents are told their family has been scrutinized and studied in great detail. The kidnappers claim to know everything about the family. If that is true then why did they not know their latest kidnapping victim was diabetic? If they knew everything how did they miss such a large piece of a child’s life? The second problem with detail is on page 164 – one of the kidnappers says “You have to chill, Will!” and is delighted by the rhyme of the doctor’s name, yet two pages later Iles writes, “Why don’t you at least face the truth about something, Will.” It was the first time she [the kidnapper] had used his Christian name” (p 166). No, actually it wasn’t. She told Will to chill two pages earlier. Ugh.
All in all, this moved fast and was a constant page turner. Every time I had to put it down I was at “the good part” and hated to stop reading. The end is a little over-the-top dramatic and there are loose ends, but well worth the read.

BookLust Twist: In More Book Lust in the “Southern Fried Fiction (Mississippi)” chapter (p 208).

Bright Lights

gr4c5Leave a comment

This time of year is always so bittersweet for me. I ache for something I can’t really put my finger on. I have everything I need and get things I didn’t even know I needed. I am surrounded by love with every postage stamped surprise. Every house lights up the darkness with colors crazy and cheerfulness. I want to catch the lights, clutch them tight, and carry them through spring- carry them always.
That song about having yourself a merry little Christmas gets to me. “Soon we’ll all be together if the fates allow” is a sad line. The fates are cruel. Someone is always someplace else. Always. When I was younger I was selfish. I wanted every love of my life in one room, no matter what the cost. I was desperate to have my heart’s full, my soul’s content at Christmas. Greedy because I couldn’t decide. I wanted the best of both worlds and blood was not thicker that water, but just as equal as my essential life force. I needed them together.
Tonight we gathered with family. Twenty people young and old came together. Traditions celebrated and carried on. Did a sister know of the tears swallowed? Her gesture earned applause but really, really we wanted cry. We will not be all together ever again. Again, the fates won’t allow.

If Only

gr4c5Leave a comment

On a paper place mat, in a restaurant in Rockland, Maine there was a story about never forgetting your loved ones. The place mat was scalloped edged and covered with squares of different ads in brown ink. Joe’s Towing Company (cartoon guy waving out a tow truck window), Andrea’s Flowers (drawing of roses in a vase), Fax It Fast! (stick figure running with paper in his balled hand), The Law Offices of Schwartz, Kaplan & Kirn (fancy scroll work around the phone number)…Hidden among the sales pitches were the words about not forgetting the loves of your life. Carry them still.

In the book I just finished, Boy’s Life, McCammon takes that place mat’s secret sentiment a step further, “I wish there was a place you could go and sit in a room like a movie theater and look through a catalog of a zillion names and then you could press a button and a face would appear on the screen to tell you about the life that had been. It would be a living memorial to the generations who have gone on before and you could hear their voices though those voices had been stilled for a hundred years” (p 346).
Imagine that for just a second, if you will. Imagine sitting in that dark, silent theater. The book of names on your lap. Before you open it, do you know who you want to see again? Do you know who shouldn’t be forgotten? Or, has it become too late and someone has slipped through the cracks of your memory and all you want is to be reminded again? Or, do you want to see someone you’ve never met? Me, I want to meet kisa’s paternal grandmother. I think it goes without saying that I want to meet my namesake. To hear her voice. There is a whole list of names I could push buttons for!

The place mat is long gone. The theater of memories doesn’t exist (yet). What will you do to keep loved ones who have been silenced alive?

Port

gr4c52 Comments

I dreamed again of sailing away. I don’t know why cruise ships are my reoccurring objects of choice. Where am I going? Why can’t I stay?

Last night we argued about going, staying, returning. We weren’t really fighting, but rather frustrated. We weren’t angry just refusing to be audibly agreeable. There was no comfort in compromise because we wouldn’t come to it. Not without confrontation. Certainly not out loud. I know I say one thing and mean another weeks later. I know what I say is true for the moment the words are uttered. I know I frustrate you as much I frustrate me & myself. I know it sounds like lying when I change my mind to suit my heart.
When I said I didn’t want you there and that I would be happier without you that wasn’t a lie. Not at that moment it wasn’t. At that moment miserable me didn’t want to deal with unreasonable you. My understanding wasn’t adequate when arguing with you. Facing facts is hard when fixated on fantasy.

Today is a different story. I want us to sail away. Together. Let’s take that journey the best way we know how. Our plans are scattered, seat-of-our-pants as they say. Who cares? Coming. Going. Staying. Let’s play it by heart and see what happens.

This Old Post 12/8/95

gr4c52 Comments

I want a love I can’t get from just anyone. To be hugged for no reason is a rare thing. It’s the little gestures. I could care less about gifts. I’m tired of it all and when I’m tired I tend to look at the should haves, could haves, would haves, if onlys. Oh Romeo, take me dancing. Keep me up for all hours of the night; make me feel I am worth all the late night hours. Have fun. Life as we knew it ended today. I want a drink. I want to make love to someone who whispers my name. I ‘d love a love so deep it forsakes everything else.

It is hard to believe 12 years have passed since I felt this, this…whatever. I don’t even know what to call it. The man I thought I knew admitted he was torn between love and hate of me. Yet, I stayed committed to being unwanted for no reason whatsoever. Even after moving on I was determined to play the fool.
What a difference a decade makes! I could kick my own self’s ass for being so silly. I could laugh in the face of such stupidity. Yet, those things were put in my way for a reason. Lessons to be learned and not lightly. Love is not to be awarded like a trophy just because you are gorgeous on the outside. Love is to be hard earned because you are beautiful on the inside. Instead of Work It Girl it’s Work For It. The relationships in my life didn’t love me like they should have because I didn’t. Respect didn’t walk in my door and own my pride. It took those silly, stupid moments for it all to make sense.

These days I have a love that forsakes all others. It dances me til dawn. I have it not because I deserve it, but because I earn it. Everyday.

Grace & Faith

gr4c54 Comments

The past three months of my life have been more stressful than Dr. Death’s worst homework assignment and planning a wedding combined. While one hand looked for answers the other had to do the deeds, regardless of knowledge. Working my fingers to the bone, working slight of hand.
Then came the past. Waltzing in like it owned my future. It was hard to stare down the demons, both good and bad. It was hard to peel back the layers of my acceptance and feel the hurt for the someones else. Those someones mean more to me than the blood streaming through my veins. How easy is it to want to avoid the inevitable hurt? Although I want to stop I know that I can’t. We are at a place that cannot be denied or ignored any longer. We must keep the momentum of grace.
To top it all off, I want to go back to school. I know that right now my energy is tapped, my ambition low, my funds all but nonexistent, but I want to be Dr. Mucky-Muck. My horizon is tainted with shouldn’t, wouldn’t and especially, couldn’t. I have to keep faith.
But, for now I need to get back to good. Christmas is fast approaching and the holiday spirit moves me. I got my first card two days ago and that has motivated me to mail my own – starting with the west side of my life.
So, to Grace & Faith. Stay by my side. Don’t let me fly from the roof in an effort to be with my angels. Keep me grounded. Keep me safe. Life has been harder than this, more sorry than this. It’s time to reach for a better place to be.

Virgin Party

gr4c510 Comments

This was my first time hosting something trivial, something small. The parties I have thrown in my life can be counted on one hand: a shower for my sister, my own wedding, my post race party and mom’s surprise party this past summer. Last night was different. It was the first time I had an intimate tv party for no reason at all.
Just the right amount of people came (the perfect people for such a party, I must add). It was fun to snack and laugh, saving the serious conversations for later. Just the right amount of food (although the meatballs with Parmesan crisps ran out). I loved making the pecan pie (my first) and Freezer Pie, but the sun-dried tomato/feta cheese ball was my favorite. Just the right amount of Merlot with beautiful but mismatched long stemmed wine glasses. Just the right amount of room in the cedar/pine scented living room (although we always have room for just one more). Just the right amount of coziness with the candles, candy and twinkle lights on the tree decorated with holiday cheer.
My mother-in-law brought her Brenda bag and I, my YouLookGuilty tee shirt (pic coming soon). We all hushed for the show but cheered for the Patriots (thank someone they won). As the night winded down, everyone was ushered out with a hug, chocolate covered pretzels and Mama’s Southern Pecan Pie recipe. Indy hid upstairs until every last guest was gone.
Finally, it was just kisa and I in the quiet. We cleaned the kitchen in tandem, taking turns opening and closing the dishwasher door; wiping down counters and hand-washing wine glasses.
As we turned off the Christmas lights, blew out the candles and turned down the heat I thought of Brenda when she said, “I don’t like it when I’m ordered to be festive.” Me neither so I’m glad last night was so much fun…naturally.

Knitting a Memory

gr4c52 Comments

Here’s what I remember. She would be standing behind the counter, knitting with four needles. Knitting in a round. Wristers for the men, mittens for the women. Knitting, always knitting. The yarn was never one solid color. She would ring up grocery orders, peer at prices through grandma glasses. Tally balances in a fine, spidery hand. Smoking and gossiping with the fishermen. Back when smoking was something to do. Her raspy laugh echoing through the aisles. A fixture among the groceries. She was just a little thing but such a huge presence!
Christmas mittens. Those mittens knitted all year long would show up under the tree in December. Always with a dollar hidden in one. It was as much a tradition as Seacoast Mission. mom’s oranges and Jingle Bells before Santa. For some reason I always got shades of green. How she knew my growing hands from year to year I’ll never know. I’ve kept them still.
Sitting on top of wharf hill, watching the day trippers disembark from the boat. Always full of witty comments and guess who arrived today? She knew everyone’s story, everyone’s comings and goings. She saw it all and knew us all from the hill.
She died last month. I just got word today. Common sense says it was time. Nature has it’s unstoppable course. She was ancient when I was a kid. Nevertheless, I thought she would live forever. Whenever her mittens warm my hands her memory will always warm my heart. Thanks, Reet.

Bill Bryson’s African Diary

gr4c5Leave a comment

African DiaryBryson, Bill. Bill Bryson’s African Diary. New York, Broadway Books, 2002.

I added this to the December list when I read a review describing it as “short.” It’s much shorter than I thought – only 49 pages of “diary” and a few more pages of statistical information. So short that I was able to read it over a lunch break. I’m glad it was a quick read because I couldn’t put it down. I’m a sucker for charitable tactics, especially unique ones, and this book definitely qualifies. CARE International (a non-profit organization dedicated to fighting global poverty) funded Bill Bryson’s trip to Nairobi, Africa with the request that he write about his eight day adventure. Bryson is known for his travel literature, his humor, and his expressive way of describing life around him. He would certainly be able to describe the poverty, the landscape, and best of all, the people of Africa. Many reviewers called this book a charity puff-piece, a lengthy advertisement for the work of CARE, and were bitter about the $12 price tag. What they missed out on was the stunning photography, the wry humor and the painless way to do good (all royalties and profit from the sale of the book went to CARE International).
Speaking of humor, here are a few of my favorite lines: “…tireless commitment to mediocrity” (p 2), “you had to be really unlucky to be shot and stabbed” (p 4), “Kenyan Railways has something of a tradition of killing its passengers” (p 21) and, “Watamu was tranquil to the point of being comatose” (25). There are other funny moments: “flying toilets,” and flying for real, to name two.

For more information on CARE, International go here.

BookLust Twist: From More Book Lust and the chapter “Bill Bryson: Too Good to Miss” (p 36). This being my first introduction to Bryson I am looking forward to more.

December Is

gr4c5Leave a comment

                                                                                                                                                                                                             Christmas
                                                                

Here are the parameters for the December reading list (and what is at the top of the reading list):
December is…

  • Bill Bryson’s birth month (Bill Bryson’s African Diary)
  • Connie Willis’ birth month (Bellweather)
  • Rex Stout’s birth month (Fer-de-Lance)
  • Mark Kurlansky’s birth month (Basque History of the World)
  • when Iowa became a state (Age of Grief)
  • when Pennsylvania became a state (Appointment in Samarra)
  • when New Jersey became a state (Body is Water)
  • when Mississippi became a state (24 Hours)
  • when Alabama became a state (Boy’s Life)
  • the month the Cold war ended (Last Supper)
  • the month of Christmas (Father Christmas Letters)
    By the way, I’ll read only Christmas stories during the week of Christmas 12/24 – 12/30…and a Christmas story in between the other reads.

Anniversary Woops

gr4c52 Comments

BooksThis anniversary made my realized I missed another anniversary. Not the one when I walked down the aisle, knees banging together out of trepidation. No, I’m talking about a different one – a more MeMyselfMoi one. I’m talking about the one that has made me open books. Open and read lots and lots of books. On November 10th, 2006 I made a vow to read everything indexed in Book Lust and More Book Lust. As of that date I had read 95 books. 95 books read, reviewed and relished. That equals eight books a month or two books a week (on average). It’s hard to believe I am approaching my 100th book (Appointment in Samarra by John O’Hara). I have to say it feels good to get back to being a book worm.

Come a Colder Season

gr4c55 Comments

NatalieI’m having a hard time believing I am to hear this voice again in as little as 37 days. Never mind false starts and not-for-profit events. A real honest-to-goodness concert after four long years.
New York will be a colder place in a month’s time. Come a colder season called cruel winter. Mother Nature will see to that. But, nothing can compare to the depth of darkness I have been visiting only recently. It is time to shed the shivers and shake the shadows. This voice will take me there.

A Little Push

gr4c55 Comments

pushI’ve started a fitness program called PushTv after researching trainer Bob Harper. I was interested in getting to a program that was a little different than joining a gym. I’ll admit, this is really different. The first dvd came a few weeks ago but today was the first day I actually “worked out” with it. I decided I needed this Push because common sense wasn’t getting through to me. Try as I might I couldn’t convince myself to get going – not even when I announced it here, in this blog, in front of witnesses (or people who might actually hold me to my promises).

Here’s what I think of Session One:
I think I might have spaced it but I don’t remember Bob telling me I would need certain equipment. I know when I signed up I told Push I had all sorts of paraphernalia available. Did I think they would actually make me use it? Apparently not because Bob would say, “okay, grab your…” and I’d have to run off to retrieve the item: resistance ball, towel, chair, step, free weights, resistance bands…Each time I had to pause the dvd, especially for the step that has been in the basement since Jane Fonda days. Speaking of the step, I have a complaint. The Push people never asked me if I could make my step recline. Hello! I have the pink, turquoise and grey number left over from the 80’s when step aerobics was the thing to do. I would have missed the incline sit up session if I have taken the time to figure out how to recline. But, the workout with Bob was really rewarding. He makes it fun. I can see why contestants on The Biggest Loser get so attached to this tattooed yoga boy.
The Cardio session is a little bothersome. I don’t care for the instructor (she’s no Bob), nor do I really have the room to mambo around the room. She says “move that chair if you need to.” The question is, exactly where do I move it to, lady? So. I skipped the dvd’s cardio session… for now.
The next sessions were concentrations on areas of the body I said I wanted to work on. My chosen area of focus is abs but I was also given a bonus workout called “Ultimate Ass”. I like the trainer well enough and the exercises are challenging. What I could do without are the graphics. I don’t really understand the stars, shadows, palm trees and speakers. All that flashiness (plus canned clapping) gave the program a cheap 70’s feel. What was even worse was the ass graphic. Off to the side is a row of asses. I kid you not. As you work out, the underwear on each ass “goes away” and at one point it looks as if one of them farts. Seriously. To make matters worse, words of encouragement are flashed across the screen – sayings like “great job! Give yourself a spanking!” Yikes. I found myself doing the exercises away from the screen, but still listening to the instructor. My only thought was “Bring back Bob!”
My last complaint is that when I logged into my Push profile (after the workout) I thought there would be a “chart your activity” screen. Something to tell the Push people how I’m doing. Not really. I could change my initial preferences (like a changed the cardio chick), but I couldn’t log much else.

Christmas Waiting To Happen

gr4c5Leave a comment

I want a real tree for Christmas – the smell of pine and cinnamon – traipsing through along the trails.
I want sequined soldiers and candy cane horses – twisting and shining on the limbs.
I want pastries warmed on the back of the stove – nothing sweet to catch fire.
I want my mother’s sweet potato casserole – you peel the potatoes, I’ll cut the apples.
I want giggling children excited by sleigh bells and flashlights – silly stories and big eyes.
I want warm blankets and fuzzy slippers to lose my toes in.
I want Silent Night sung by candlelight – a community drawn together by acceptance.
I want shadowy outlines of horses by dawn – their imaginary hoofbeats running over frozen ground, steam rising from flared nostrils.
I want to watch the winter surf with kisa by my side – my hand in his pocket, fingertips numb.
I want to count down the days – may they fly – by advent calendar of yesteryear.
To be HomeHome again. I’ll be there.

The Closer Getting Closer

gr4c511 Comments

Just last night I was joking with the in-laws about the Closer House Party. I am nowhere near the House Partying kind of girl, but for what it’s worth, I’m getting excited. No one likes the Closer as much as my mother-in-law! She suggested a theme like chocolate…something about fondue. We were all giggles about a fondue fountain…and the fact that her bag looks exactly like Brenda’s.
Ironically, my Closer “swag” came today! The box included some really fun stuff: Closer napkins, Closer plates, Closer thank yew cards, a recipe for Mama’s Pecan Pie, a Closer Christmas wreath, a Closer tin of something yummy, A Closer DVD to watch before the show and…a “you look guilty” Closer tee shirt! The same thing I wanted to buy when it first came out! The whole package was a great surprise!

So now, I’m rethinking the menu. My father-in-law is an amazing cook. He’s offered to make something…I just might have to tell people to come hungry, hungry, hungry!

9 days to go!