Southern end

I hate this murky underwater apathy. This floating through things on tired waves of discontent. Lately, all I want to do is give it up. Why am I exhausted and who should I blame? Maybe it’s the dreams. At night I have nightscares that frighten me so badly I wake disorientated and confused. I struggle to ask myself why do I repeatedly have visions of bombers flying over Monhegan, dropping weapons of mass destruction? Masked fighter pilots spewing hundreds of rounds of bullets into people and places. We run, we scatter, yet there is blood. There is death I can’t explain. The sad thing is this. In my dreams I see them coming from miles and miles away. The sky is crystal clear, glaring and brilliant blue. At first they are dots on the horizon, yet I know who they are and what will happen when they arrive. I am powerless to stop it. As they get closer details emerge until I can see their faces. My dreams make them human and cruel.
Another repeat offended is the dream of drowning. Monhegan is hit with a wave as big as Texas. Again, there is that sense of foreboding. I can see it coming from miles away but I’m powerless to stop it.

Some say I want to destroy home. Some say I am started to dread the return, but what part I always ask. It’s true that Colorado started out as a joke, but has become more of a deep wishful thinking as time goes on. I fantasize about being snagged by the Rockies. I dream about being trapped miles from New England with no direction (or desire) to go home. Is that what I really want?

7 Comments on “Snagged”

  1. Ruth says:

    I wonder if your dream should be interpreted far less literally than a yearning to destroy home. I doubt that is the true meaning. Dreams can often be very symbolic, even if you may tend towards being a literal person in your waking life. I think it is actually an interesting dream you are having. Oh, where is my dream dictionary when I need it?!

  2. gr4c5 says:

    No, not to destroy home literally, but to leave it behind as if it had been destroyed…I see it as a scene from a soap opera, “you are dead to me!” – I see it as a symbolic crumbling of old ideals and a rebirth of the need to fly.

  3. gr4c5 says:

    ps~ You gave me a dream dictionary and while I don’t have it at this very moment I do remember it saying something about destruction being a symbol of discontent. Well, obviously! 😉

  4. Ruth says:

    Or … it can be seen as a surge of energy (bombs) hitting the foundation (island) of your center being and then there is a release (blood). Just my own take on a dream I’m not even having – HA! 🙂 I must say that I love dream interpretations because they can be rather fuzzy, and yet under the fuzzy exterior, if you look for it, there is clear and honest meaning. So, you just keep looking, and you’ll figure out those dreams in no time!

  5. gr4c5 says:

    Energy + foundation = release. I like it. Sounds like something out of psych 101!

  6. Ruth says:

    Or Psycho 🙂

  7. gr4c5 says:

    you crack me up!

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