Author: gr4c5

I write. I read. I cook. I run. That's me, in a nutshell.

Age of Grief

gr4c5Leave a comment

Smiley, Jane. The Age of Grief. New York: Fawcett Columbine, 1987.

A collection of short stories. Instead of summarizing them I have decided to quote my favorite lines instead because there was one from every story.

  • Pleasure of her company~ “I felt like your child or your sister or something”    (p 25).
  • Lily~ “Love was like an activity, you had to put in the hours” (p 33).
  • Jeffrey, Believe Me~ “Who can tell the lifelong effect of a cacophonous conception” (p 60), and “you would indeed be spending the night but in a near coma” (p 64).
  • Long Distance~ “Can a melancholy sound have a quality of desperation?” (p 71)
  • Dynamite~ “When they would ask me, I was fine, too, but I had the excuse of making bombs, something, I told myself, they didn’t want to know (p 96).
  • And finally, the novella, The Age of Grief~ I couldn’t find one or two quotesI liked best -too many to mention so I won’t mention at all; and I can’t tell you what I think of this final story. A dentist and his wife (also a dentist) go through the ups and downs of marriage & parenting. It’s haunting because I can’t imagine this kind of grief.

BookLust Twist: From More Book Lust in the chapter “Big Ten Country: The Literary Midwest (Iowa)” (p 26).

The Body is Water

gr4c5Leave a comment

Schumacher, Julie. The Body is Water. New York: SoHo, 1995.

I love it when reading fits the day. I don’t know how to describe it other than the perfect marriage between a book and time. It was snowing, sleeting, windy and freezing cold. Every so often a gust of wind would send pellets of freezing rain drumming against the windows, yet the Christmas tree glowed softly, the cat purred at my feet, a balsam candle burned bright, a fleece blanket was thrown over my lap, a cup of tea at my elbow and I was content. If I could ignore the wind, all was quiet, all was still; the perfect time to lose myself in The Body is Water.
I’m still reading December picks and The Body is Water celebrates the month New Jersey became a state, oddly enough. It’s also the story of single and pregnant Jane, and her return to her New Jersey shore childhood home. In one sitting I read 184 of the 262 pages.

“All my life I’ve never been certain of where I should be” (p 20).
“In a crisis, other families probably rush to hold the ailing person’s hand; our family rushes to the general vicinity of the crisis and putters around, hoping the patient will spontaneously recover on her own” (p 61).
“No matter where I lived, I never knew my way around; there was no ocean, no rushing noise of a heartbeat from the east” (p 230).
“I start to cry, remembering the days before my mother died, before Bee slept in another room. That was when we loved each other best and didn’t know it” (p 262).

I ended this book sobbing. I connected with Jane even though she was the younger sister (Bee was four years older); even though Jane lost a mother and I lost a father; even though she became a mother and I remain sans motherhood. I connected through the simple loss of a parent, the soothing sound of the ocean, and the complex closeness of sisters.

BookLust Twist: From More Book Lustin the chapter called “Jersey Guys and Gals” (p 129). This also could have been mentioned in chapter called “Maiden Voyages” (p 158) because this was Schmacher’s first novel.

Little Porcupine’s Christmas

gr4c5Leave a comment

Slate, Joseph. Little Porcupine’s Christmas. New York: Harper, 1982.

Cute. Cute. Cute! Felicia Bond illustrates this story and, for those of you who don’t know, Felicia Bond is the illustrator for another favorite of mine, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. This isn’t about a mouse. This time it’s a porcupine who can’t be in the school play because of his sharp and pointy quills. It’s a typical story about how cruel “kids” can be towards an outsider, But, but, but, in the end Little Pocupine prevails and proves his worth. The adult in me hates stories like this because the other animals are never corrected when they say “you’re too — to participate. You don’t belong,” all because he is different. I worry (too much) that kids reading the story will learn that it’s okay to push someone outside the popular circle because that someone is different. I’ve been there and it isn’t fun. But, that’s the stoic, always serious adult talking. Take the book at face value and it’s a cute story about someone who is unique finding his niche and belonging after all.
Note: This story is also called How Little Porcupine Played Christmas.

BookLust Twist: From Book Lust in the chapter “Christmas Books for the Whole Family to Read” (p 56). Pearl calls Little Porcupine “heartwarming.”

He Didn’t Like

gr4c5Leave a comment

When we were kids we used to joke that while she loved kids, he hated them. She was jolly, he was a jerk. She was exuberant. He was sour. We had names for him behind his back, maybe about his ears. I don’t remember. We were kids that had a gang of jokes all about him. I played along with the cruelty even though I knew better. Why is that? Last night kisa and I watched the Breakfast Club. Even though my husband swore it was a classic I was getting it confused with other Molly movies. I kept waiting for her to make a dress or something. At one point I was struck by how serious the “club’s” conversation had gotten. They were talking about whether or not they were truly friends and what would happen on Monday. Molly’s character brought up peer pressure and how, come Monday, they would all go back to the groups they knew and life as they knew it would carry on. Losers would still be losers. Geeks would still be geeks. Jocks would still be jocks.
I was that girl. I knew Mr Didn’t Like Kids was actually kind. Yet, we were mean. People would be surprised to know how kind. Still we were uncaring. It’s a secret I’ve kept and I don’t know why. 

Miracle

gr4c5Leave a comment

Willis, Connie. Miracle and Other Christmas Stories. New York: Bantam, 2000.

A collection of short stories centered around Christmas.
image0001.jpg

  • Miracle ~ Lauren reminds me of me. She’s well-meaning yet corner cutting when it comes to Christmas. Her cards go out on time and she buys gifts for everyone in the office yet something is missing. Enter Spirit of Christmas Present, a environmentally exuberant specter sent to show Lauren the real meaning of Christmas.
  • Inn ~This is an odd little story about a woman who, while in choir practice for her church pageant, discovers a homeless couple who turn out to be Joseph and Mary. That Joseph and Mary, lost on their way to Bethlehem.
  • In Coppelius’s Toyshop ~ This is one of my favorites. It’s so reminiscent of Will from About a Boy lost in a crazy, confusing, chaotic toystore. Throughout the whole thing I could imagine rows and rows and floors and floors of toys, games, puzzles, colors, lights, noises, and the sounds of children everywhere.
  • Pony~ Moral of the story: it is never too late to get the ultimate present of your dreams…even if you no longer want it.
  • Adaptation ~ An interesting twist on A Christmas Carol. A divorced father wants nothing more than to give his daughter the ultimate Christmas but work and his exwife have other plans.
  • Cat’s Paw ~ A famous detective has been sent to solve a mystery on Christmas Eve. A weird tale involving monkeys and murder. “We are all capable of murder. It’s in our genes” (p 208).
  • Newsletter ~ Has the world been taking over by a parasite that causes goodness and peace of earth? How can we take humanity that’s just a little more…well…human? Turns out, we can’t.
  • Epiphany ~ Another twist on a classic tale. Mel is convinced he has had an epiphany about the Second Coming. He gets a friend and a stranger involved in his travels and suddenly they are the three wise “men.” It’s funny.
  • A Final Word~

    • BookLust Twist: From Book Lust  in the chapter “Connie Willis: Too Good To Miss” (p 248).

    Bright Lights

    gr4c5Leave a comment

    This time of year is always so bittersweet for me. I ache for something I can’t really put my finger on. I have everything I need and get things I didn’t even know I needed. I am surrounded by love with every postage stamped surprise. Every house lights up the darkness with colors crazy and cheerfulness. I want to catch the lights, clutch them tight, and carry them through spring- carry them always.
    That song about having yourself a merry little Christmas gets to me. “Soon we’ll all be together if the fates allow” is a sad line. The fates are cruel. Someone is always someplace else. Always. When I was younger I was selfish. I wanted every love of my life in one room, no matter what the cost. I was desperate to have my heart’s full, my soul’s content at Christmas. Greedy because I couldn’t decide. I wanted the best of both worlds and blood was not thicker that water, but just as equal as my essential life force. I needed them together.
    Tonight we gathered with family. Twenty people young and old came together. Traditions celebrated and carried on. Did a sister know of the tears swallowed? Her gesture earned applause but really, really we wanted cry. We will not be all together ever again. Again, the fates won’t allow.

    If Only

    gr4c5Leave a comment

    On a paper place mat, in a restaurant in Rockland, Maine there was a story about never forgetting your loved ones. The place mat was scalloped edged and covered with squares of different ads in brown ink. Joe’s Towing Company (cartoon guy waving out a tow truck window), Andrea’s Flowers (drawing of roses in a vase), Fax It Fast! (stick figure running with paper in his balled hand), The Law Offices of Schwartz, Kaplan & Kirn (fancy scroll work around the phone number)…Hidden among the sales pitches were the words about not forgetting the loves of your life. Carry them still.

    In the book I just finished, Boy’s Life, McCammon takes that place mat’s secret sentiment a step further, “I wish there was a place you could go and sit in a room like a movie theater and look through a catalog of a zillion names and then you could press a button and a face would appear on the screen to tell you about the life that had been. It would be a living memorial to the generations who have gone on before and you could hear their voices though those voices had been stilled for a hundred years” (p 346).
    Imagine that for just a second, if you will. Imagine sitting in that dark, silent theater. The book of names on your lap. Before you open it, do you know who you want to see again? Do you know who shouldn’t be forgotten? Or, has it become too late and someone has slipped through the cracks of your memory and all you want is to be reminded again? Or, do you want to see someone you’ve never met? Me, I want to meet kisa’s paternal grandmother. I think it goes without saying that I want to meet my namesake. To hear her voice. There is a whole list of names I could push buttons for!

    The place mat is long gone. The theater of memories doesn’t exist (yet). What will you do to keep loved ones who have been silenced alive?

    Port

    gr4c52 Comments

    I dreamed again of sailing away. I don’t know why cruise ships are my reoccurring objects of choice. Where am I going? Why can’t I stay?

    Last night we argued about going, staying, returning. We weren’t really fighting, but rather frustrated. We weren’t angry just refusing to be audibly agreeable. There was no comfort in compromise because we wouldn’t come to it. Not without confrontation. Certainly not out loud. I know I say one thing and mean another weeks later. I know what I say is true for the moment the words are uttered. I know I frustrate you as much I frustrate me & myself. I know it sounds like lying when I change my mind to suit my heart.
    When I said I didn’t want you there and that I would be happier without you that wasn’t a lie. Not at that moment it wasn’t. At that moment miserable me didn’t want to deal with unreasonable you. My understanding wasn’t adequate when arguing with you. Facing facts is hard when fixated on fantasy.

    Today is a different story. I want us to sail away. Together. Let’s take that journey the best way we know how. Our plans are scattered, seat-of-our-pants as they say. Who cares? Coming. Going. Staying. Let’s play it by heart and see what happens.

    Boy’s Life

    gr4c54 Comments

    McCammon, Robert. Boy’s Life. New York: Pocket Star, 1991.

    I would almost venture to say there is almost too much adventure in this book. More stuff happens to CoreyMackenson in his life, in his boyhood life, than I can begin to explain. There is magic and imagination on nearly every page. Corey is an all-around good kid but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his share of trouble at school, confrontations with bullies and disagreements with his parents. All normal stuff until you add the mystery of a dead man, the mob, a dog that won’t die, a eye-blinking bike, a run-in with Nazis, kidnapping, a prostitute, the klu klux klan, several monsters and more mayhem. 

    I love a book that has almost every page flagged for a good line; a line I wish I had written, or one that made me think. Here are a few of my favorite lines from early in Boy’s Life:
    “You realize that every person in the world is a compromise of nature” (p 9).
    “Maybe crazy is what they call anyone who’s got magic inside them after they’re no longer a child” (p 10).
    “Oh, I knew what the word meant and all, but its casual use from a pretty mouth shocked the fool out of me” (p 20).
    “There are horrors that burst the bounds of screen and page, and come home all twisted up and grinning behind the face of somebody you love” (p 50).
    “I had never seen a black Jesus before, and this sight both knocked me for a loop and opened up a space in my mind that I’d never known needed light” (p 120).

    BookLust Twist: From More Book Lust and the section on Alabama in “Southern Fried Fiction” (p 207).

    From the Clutter

    gr4c55 Comments

    Okay. Here are the rants from the very top of the clutter. I miss my friends. RT~ when, when, when will we have time? For three Tuesdays in a row I have been ear to phone, playing I-Know-Best (and that’s why they pay me the big bucks, I guess). I long to be somewhere else on Tuesday nights…reaching for sanity sanctuary, maybe?
    I hate Google right now and I don’t care who knows it. It shouldn’t take a full minute to log into my account. It shouldn’t take another 30 seconds for the reply button to work. It frustrates me that I can’t pop a quick reply back to my sister. My inbox is piling up – message upon message remains unread. Admit it, google! You have finally failed at something. Your chat thing was a waste of time and now this AIM thing you’re trying…I think it’s the root of all my in-box problems. Fix it before I move to MSN…seriously.
    Then there is work. Did you ever have one of those days…those days when you are so freakin’ busy that you don’t know what to do next? You sit at your desk, papers piled to the ceiling, feeling like a failure because you’re paralyzed to the depths of indecision. You stare at the calendar wondering where yesterday went. Were you even a witness to a week ago Wednesday? Where did this Monday go? I’d like to be able to multitask in my car, while taking a shower, during dinner, in my sleep. I could get a lot more done if I stopped trying to prioritize it all and just did it. 

    sigh.
     

    Polar Express

    gr4c57 Comments

    polar expressVan Allsburg, Chris. The Polar Express. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1985.

    Is it any wonder that The Polar Express won a Caldecott award? Is it any wonder that Hollywood made a movie out of it? This is a gorgeous book for adults as well as children. It’s fantastic to read aloud to a child because not only is are the pictures spectacular, but the storyline is wonderful, too. See, I can’t say enough nice things about this book!
    It’s simply the story of a boy who takes a trip by train to visit Santa at the North Pole. He is given a special gift that proves his belief in all things Christmas – the elves, the gifts, the reindeer, the North Pole, and of course, Santa Claus himself. This book was such a treat that I now want to go see the movie!

    “We climbed mountains so high it seemed as if we would scrape the moon” (p 9) and “Though I’ve grown old, the bell still rings for me as it does for all who truly believe” (p 29) are my favorite lines.

    BookLust Twist: From Book Lust  and the chapter on “Christmas Books for the Whole Family to Read” (p 55).

    This Old Post 12/8/95

    gr4c52 Comments

    I want a love I can’t get from just anyone. To be hugged for no reason is a rare thing. It’s the little gestures. I could care less about gifts. I’m tired of it all and when I’m tired I tend to look at the should haves, could haves, would haves, if onlys. Oh Romeo, take me dancing. Keep me up for all hours of the night; make me feel I am worth all the late night hours. Have fun. Life as we knew it ended today. I want a drink. I want to make love to someone who whispers my name. I ‘d love a love so deep it forsakes everything else.

    It is hard to believe 12 years have passed since I felt this, this…whatever. I don’t even know what to call it. The man I thought I knew admitted he was torn between love and hate of me. Yet, I stayed committed to being unwanted for no reason whatsoever. Even after moving on I was determined to play the fool.
    What a difference a decade makes! I could kick my own self’s ass for being so silly. I could laugh in the face of such stupidity. Yet, those things were put in my way for a reason. Lessons to be learned and not lightly. Love is not to be awarded like a trophy just because you are gorgeous on the outside. Love is to be hard earned because you are beautiful on the inside. Instead of Work It Girl it’s Work For It. The relationships in my life didn’t love me like they should have because I didn’t. Respect didn’t walk in my door and own my pride. It took those silly, stupid moments for it all to make sense.

    These days I have a love that forsakes all others. It dances me til dawn. I have it not because I deserve it, but because I earn it. Everyday.

    Appointment in Samarra

    gr4c5Leave a comment

    appointment in samarraO’Hara John. Appointment in Samarra. New York: Vintage, 2003.

    In honor of Pennsylvania becoming a state in the month of December Appointment in Samarra was my first novel pick. I was excited to see the introduction was written by John Updike. He is another author I have enjoyed over the years. Set in the 1930’s with a keen eye on society, O’Hara tells the story of Caroline & Julian English and their how their elite status is washed away with alcohol and attitude. In an instance the English couple go from being the toast of the town to the talk of trash.

    “I love you more than a tongue can tell” (p 63).
    “…their position in Gibbsville was just that certain and insecure…” (p 83).
    “…she was too conscious of looking like the wrath of God to enjoy any of it” (p 121).
    “The worst of that drive was that the sun glare on the snow made you smile before you were ready” (p 200).

    As an aside: I don’t remember where I was when I learned that the Lenape Indians believed the turtle was the center of the universe. To this day, it remains the only thing I know about this particular tribe. It was interesting to see O’Hara mention the tribe in his historical ancestry of the English family.

    BookLust Twist: From More Book Lust in the chapter “Big Ten Country: The Literary Midwest (Pennsylvania)” (p 30). 

    Twelve Days of Christmas

    gr4c5Leave a comment

    12 days of ChristmasKnight, Hilary. Hilary Knight’s Twelve Days of Christmas. New York: Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers, 2001.

    On the surface this book looks like your average kids’ book. Cute pictures and a storyline you can sing. We all know “The Twelve Days of Christmas” – it’s that silly song that involves milking cows, egg producing hens, and ladies dancing among other things. What makes this book special is what is going on behind the scenes. There’s a whole other story unfolding in the illustrations.  On the surface Bedelia the bear is trying to tell you what her true love gave to her during the twelve days of Christmas (Dec 25- Jan 6) and then there is Benjamin, for those twelve days straight, bringing her the goods. In the background there’s Reginald the raccoon. He lives in Bedelia’s basement for some strange reason, and if you are observant, you learn that he pines for the perfect girl. Throughout Benjamin’s trips to Bedelia’s door with various (odd) gifts, you see Reginald struggling with something of his own.
    In the end (and I won’t ruin it for you), you will want to go back and look at all the illustrations just a little closer. Everything has a meaning – beyond Benjamin looking to woo Bedelia with twelve lords a~leaping (my favorite). Seriously. Check out the lords. They’ll crack you up.

    BookLust Twist: From Book Lust and the chapter “Christmas Books for the Whole Family to Read” (p 55).

    Grace & Faith

    gr4c54 Comments

    The past three months of my life have been more stressful than Dr. Death’s worst homework assignment and planning a wedding combined. While one hand looked for answers the other had to do the deeds, regardless of knowledge. Working my fingers to the bone, working slight of hand.
    Then came the past. Waltzing in like it owned my future. It was hard to stare down the demons, both good and bad. It was hard to peel back the layers of my acceptance and feel the hurt for the someones else. Those someones mean more to me than the blood streaming through my veins. How easy is it to want to avoid the inevitable hurt? Although I want to stop I know that I can’t. We are at a place that cannot be denied or ignored any longer. We must keep the momentum of grace.
    To top it all off, I want to go back to school. I know that right now my energy is tapped, my ambition low, my funds all but nonexistent, but I want to be Dr. Mucky-Muck. My horizon is tainted with shouldn’t, wouldn’t and especially, couldn’t. I have to keep faith.
    But, for now I need to get back to good. Christmas is fast approaching and the holiday spirit moves me. I got my first card two days ago and that has motivated me to mail my own – starting with the west side of my life.
    So, to Grace & Faith. Stay by my side. Don’t let me fly from the roof in an effort to be with my angels. Keep me grounded. Keep me safe. Life has been harder than this, more sorry than this. It’s time to reach for a better place to be.