Tag: family

Shooting Up

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Tepper, Jonathan. Shooting Up: a Memoir of Love, Loss, and Addiction. Infinite Books, 2026.

Reason read: as a member of the Early Review Program I often get to read touching stories. This is high on my list.

What is Shooting Up really about? I could say it is an autobiography of Jonathan Tepper’s upbringing and educational rise to Rhodes Scholar. I could say it is a commentary on addiction and the destruction it caused in the early stages of the AIDS epidemic. I could say it is a graceful memoir about grief and all its complicated layers. Shooting Up is all of those things and more.
Jonathan Tepper’s parents exposed their four sons to a variety of situations other parents would consider disturbing. As missionaries in 1980s Spain, Elliot and Mary Tepper focused their work on serving the addicted population. Mature beyond his years, ex-junkies taught their son, Jonathan, the terminology used for buying heroin and how to make crack. As a child Jonathan could recognize the telltale needle tracks and bruises of users. With addiction leading the way, the AIDS epidemic was not far behind, but in addition to overdoses and AIDS, Tepper’s parents saturated their household with literature and music. The entire family was well-read and all four children had big dreams. Literature was a lasting and large part of all of their lives. Being well-read helped Tepper become a Rhodes Scholar, but I am getting ahead of myself. Tepper’s father, Elliot, read St Augustine’s Confessions and Dag Hammarskjold’s Marking to his four boys and wife at dinner time. Homer, T.E. Lawrence, Dante, John Bunyan, Saint Augustine, Virgil, George Muller, C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, Jules Verne…I could go on and on. Tepper astutely says, “a great book had the power to change us and shake us to our core” (p 79). Amen.
My favorite section of Shooting Up was Tepper’s childhood. He captured his innocence perfectly. It is as if his childhood was frozen in time like an insect in amber. As an aside, Tepper had some pretty profound comments to make about grief that I absolutely loved.

Music: So much good stuff mentioned in Shooting Up : Aaron Copland’s Billy the Kid, Beach Boy’s “Barbara Ann,” Bix Beiderbecke, Bob Dylan, Branford Marsalis, Charlie “Bird” Parker, Chet Baker, Chuck Berry, Counting Crows, Dizzy Gillespie, Freddy Mercury, Goo Goo Dolls, Iron Maiden, Joan Baez’s “Forever Young,” and “One of Us,” John Coltrane, Louis Armstrong’s “When It’s Sleepy Time Down South,” Michael Jackson’s “Beat It,” Mingus’s “Better Get In In Your Soul,” Miles Davis, Mahler, Milli Vanilli, Nirvana, Nine Inch Nails, “Para mi rey,” Queen’s “We Will Rock You,” Rolling Stones, Stan Getz, Stravinsky, Tchaikovsky’s Serenade for Strings in C Major, Wayne Shorter, and Wynton Marsalis.

Birds Without Wings

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De Bernieres, Louis. Birds Without Wings. Alfred A. Knopf, 2004.

Reason read: In Turkey there is a day in April called Children’s Day.

De Bernieres introduces a mystery within the very first few pages of Birds Without Wings. You do not know what Ibrahim did to the beautiful Philothei. You do not know what the narrator did to his son Karatavuk except to say he/she lives in shame. Throughout Birds Without Wings the reader is introduced to a myriad of characters. The Dog – a mysterious stranger whose smile gives nightmares to children and adults alike. Mustafa Kernal – the teenager in Military Training School. Karatavuk, Mehmetak, Polyxeni, Ayse, Stamos, Snowbringer, Leech Gatherer, Tamara, Broken-Nosed, Rustern Bey, Charitos, Yusufthe Tall, among others. At the center is Philothei, betrothed since childhood to Ibrahim. Ever since childhood she has been beautiful beyond measure.
This is a story of human nature in the midst of prejudice and hate, war and relationships. Told from the perspective of a myriad of characters, Birds Without Wings is tragic and heartbreaking and beautiful all at once.
De Bernieres knows human relationships, especially marriage. I had to laugh at this situation: when a wife is unhappy with her husband he might get a little too much pepper in his food. After doing a bad thing the husband thinks I am going to get too much pepper in my food again tonight. But a husband a;ways has more power. He can put aside his wife and get a new one if he thinks she has been adulterous.
As an aside, I wish I had paid attention to all the bird references from the beginning of Birds Without Wings. There were so many! Sparrows, seagulls, ducks, doves, goldfinches, pigeons, partridges, nightingales, robins, owls, blackbirds, songbirds – they all soar (or cannot) and sing and escape cages. Of course, the ultimate little bird is the lovely Philothei who states plainly, “I have found that perfection is not enough” (p 463).

Author fact: Louis De Bernieres also wrote Corelli’s Mandolin but I am not reading it for the Challenge. Birds Without Wings is my only De Bernieres book.

Quotes to quote, “There comes a point in life where each of us who survives to feel like a ghost that has forgotten to die at the right time…” (p 3). What about this quote, “Nowadays no one would say, “I think we’ll remove all these people from their homes and send them to another country” (p 487)?!

BookLust Twist: from More Book Lust in the chapter called “Digging Up the Past Through Fiction” (p 79) and again in Book Lust To Go in the chapter called “Turkish Delights” (p 238) which always makes me think of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis.

The Dog Who Wouldn’t Be

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Mowat, Farley. The Dog Who Wouldn’t Be. Little, Brown and Company, 1957.

Reason read: April Fool’s Day and April is Dog Month.

How much of Farley Mowat’s The Dog Who Wouldn’t Be is imaginative exaggeration? It is hard to say, but nevertheless it is a delightful read for all ages. Mowat looks back at his childhood in Saskatoon with his faithful dog, Mutt, at his side. The addition of “four cent” Mutt, a goofy, intelligent pup full of personality, lends humor into an otherwise typical 1930s household. Mutt has a personality all his own and often gets his loyal and loving family in trouble, especially while duck hunting, tangling with skunks and anything having to do with boats. Every member of the Mowat family bonds with Mutt in special ways but my favorite stories centered around a pair of mischievous owls, Wols and Weeps, who the Mowat family somehow adopts.
Disclaimer: The Dog Who Wouldn’t Be is a bit dated. Hunting practices have changed and leash laws abound these days. The carefree attitudes of the 1930s are a thing of the past.
Confessional: I unexpectedly shed a few tears at the end of The Dog Who Wouldn’t Be. Like all young children with pets, they grow up and leave their animal behind. Humans outlast most furry friends, after all. I knew Mutt was getting old so I was expecting that kind of coming of age, circle of life ending. Not even close. No spoiler alert needed. Just read the book.

Author fact: Mowat also wrote Bay of Spirits which I am slated to read for the Challenge in July of 2031.

Book trivia: The Dog Who Wouldn’t Be was illustrated by Paul Galdone and first published in 1957.

Line I liked, “I did not speak, for I had a certain intuition that silence would be safer” (p 63), “…and in twenty nine years a man can remember a good many things that ought to have happened” (p 177).

Music: “The Bonnets of Bonny Dundee.”

BookLust Twist: from Book Lust in two chapters, “Canadian Fiction (p 50) and again in “Humor” (p 116). Also in Book Lust To Go in the simple chapter called “Newfoundland” (p 154).

Briarpatch

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Thomas, Ross. Briarpatch. St. Martin’s Press, 1984.

Reason read: Ross Thomas was born in the month of February. Read in his honor.

We are introduced to Rusty/Felicity Dill as landlady and detective. Not two minutes after trying to collect on a late rent she is murdered by a car bomb outside of her building. Felicity’s brother, Benjamin Dill, while on assignment for the Senate Subcommittee for a separate matter, comes back to his hometown to investigate her murder. In the midst of grieving for his sister Dill must confront his best and oldest friend who might be an illegal arms dealer. Apart from being a great whodunnit, Briarpatch is also a game of double and triple cross. It is hard to say who can and cannot be trusted.
While the reader does not know the exact location of Dill’s hometown (somewhere in the Midwest is the guess), Thomas is sure to keep an eye on the thermometer. The constant high temperatures were almost another character in the story.
All in all, I felt that Thomas was hoping to have a trick ending; one crafty enough to surprise everyone. Unfortunately, he pulled back the curtain a little too far and a little too early in the plot. Thomas revealed too much for the ending to be much of a shock.

Odd musings: I identified with the one character who dies within the first few pages. You could say I built a rapport with her ghost. As a kid Felicity would read eight or nine books at a time…sometimes as many as ten in a week. She took notes as she read and kept a dictionary on hand. This is me to a tee.
A childhood memory – when Ben visits Felicity’s apartment he sees a TV Guide on the coffee table. When I was growing up I had a neighbor who collected TV Guides. Stacks and stacks of them lined her bedroom floor. What she ever did with them, I have no idea.
As an aside, was the misspelling of Jim Beam deliberate?
As another aside, I thought a bread knife was an odd choice for a weapon. Wasn’t there anything a little sharper lying around.

Author fact: Ross Thomas was born in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma which is why some people think Ben and Felicity Dill were from Oklahoma City.

Book trivia: my copy of Briarpatch promised a “television series coming soon.” That was in 1984. I had to look it up. On IMDB I found a television series starring Rosario Dawson. Briarpatch won an Edgar Award for Best Novel in 1985.

Music: “September Song,” Bach, Beatles, Beethoven, Yves Montand, “Blue Skies,” “Amazing Grace,” “Abide with Me,” “Taps,” and “Battle Hymn of the Republic.”

BookLust Twist: from Book Lust in the chapter called “Ross Thomas: Too Good To Miss” (p 234).

Wrong Kind of Son

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Peace, Jeff. The Wrong Kind of Son: Salty Driftwood Publishing, 2025.

Reason read: as a member of the Early Review program for LibraryThing, I get to read heartwarming books. This is one such book.

Jeff Peace wanted nothing more than to purge the past to “[name] what it felt like.” It took real courage for him to lay it all out in the pages of Wrong Kind of Son. What started as a letter to his father turned into a book about surviving abuse. [Confessional: I also wrote a letter that turned into a publication. I only wanted my parents to understand where I was coming from without having the necessary confrontation.] Wrong Kind of Son opens with Peace wanting to connect with his father during the holidays. I say wanting because there is a sense of family obligation that cannot be ignored no matter how one tries. Father and son live thirty minutes from each other but hadn’t seen each other in a year. The connection goes badly as it always does. That is the pattern. Throughout Wrong Kind of Son Peace illustrates the anatomy of neglect without being overly dramatic or playing the martyr. There is a difference between stating simple fact and hurling blame. Peace sticks to the former. By the end of Wrong Kind of Son Peace finds the strength to break the patterns of abuse. Through other avenues of love he is able to forge a new path. His courage is astounding.

As an aside, this is my third early review book about a narcissistic parent. By reading the stories of backhanded compliments, off-color jokes, and empty promises my own story has become clearer.

Author fact: Peace is a thoughtful author. He has a disclaimer about the abuse depicted in Wrong Kind of Son, urging his readers to take care.

Book trivia: there were so many brilliant lines I wanted to quote. Intelligence without empathy is a good one. Hope being a habit is another.

Music: Nickelback

Daughters of Simon Lamoreaux

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Long, David. The Daughters of Simon Lamoreaux. Scribner, 2000.

Reason read: Sisters Week is in January.

The Daughters of Simon Lamoreaux has been described as the “effect of not knowing on a tragedy’s survivor.” I lost a friend two years ago (it’ll be three at the end of June) and I have absolutely no clue what happened. Was it suicide? Possibly. He mentioned ideation more than enough times. Was it an accidental overdose? Possibly. He admitted he was addicted to pain killers. Was it the damage from the near-fatal stroke he had? Possibly. He was still struggling with his health. But. I will never know.
Hartford, Connecticut (1973). Miles Fanning and Caroline (Carly) Lamoreaux are typical teenagers, skipping out on choir practice for the sake of young love. Only Carly does not meet Miles at the prescribed spot nor is she ever heard from again. Fast forward twenty-four years later Fanning is the founder of SunBreak Records and still does not know what happened to his old girlfriend all those years ago. He has since married and moved to Seattle, Washington. In all honesty he hasn’t thought about Carly all that much. Life has carried him in a different direction…until suddenly Carly’s sister, Julia, sweeps into his life, dragging the memory and mystery of Carly behind her. Julia’s line of questioning is off-putting and abrasive; the way your teeth feel when you bite down on eggshells in an otherwise fluffy omelet or finding sand in your ice cream. Julia interrogates Fanning like his soul has committed a serious crime. She is a strange woman to whom Fanning cannot help but be drawn. What I found so interesting about The Daughters of Simon Lamoreaux was the lack of detail about the investigation into the disappearance of Carly Lamoreaux. Miles Fanning is an obvious suspect but once he is cleared, the reader does not get a sense of urgency to find Carly. It led me to think more about the title. The focus is on the father, Simon. Does he hold the key to the mystery? In the end I found myself saying, yes, he does.

Author fact: Long also wrote The Falling Boy which is on my Challenge list.

Book trivia: this should be a movie.

Real music: Count Basie, Te Deum, Kodaly’s Psalmus Hungaricus, Keith Jarrett’s Koln concert, Soundgarden, Chopin, and Erik Satie’s “Gymnopedies.

Fake music: Billy Caughan’s “Hard Knock Turn,” and Nella Randolph,

BookLust Twist: from More Book Lust in the chapter called “Sibs” (p 199).

Piecework

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Shimshon-Santo, Amy. Piecework: Ethnographies of Place. Unsolicited Press, 2025

Reason read: as a member of LibraryThing’s Early Review Program I get to read really interesting books. This is one such book.

There are four themes to Piecework: the classroom, community, migrations, and conversations. In the beginning, Piecework is comprised of essays that encourage collective action as an extension of social justice, but by the end you have an intimate portrait of the author and her ancestry. For the first part of Piecework Shimshon-Santo provides a clear blueprint for how to bring key people together to form a productive interdisciplinary team to tackle common social problems. For example, the first she addresses is transportation. [As an aside, if anyone has seen Natalie Merchant’s storytellers show you will know that she called Los Angeles a “car culture” because of its massive highway systems. Walking around is out of the question for some parts of the metropolis.] Shimshon-Santo approaches a dilemma with creative innovation by viewing it through multiple lenses. She believes in compassionate leadership and the value of listening to children. By the end of Piecework the reader has a clear understanding of Shimshon-Santo thanks to a revealing essay about her grandmother and a couple of interviews in the conversation section.
It goes without saying that Piecework is thought provoking, but what I wasn’t expecting was the plethora of gorgeous photography. The entire book was exquisite to read.

Author fact: Shimshon-Santo has a background in dance. She also wrote Catastrophic Molting. I think she win a prize for the most interesting titles.

Music: Michael Jackson’s Thriller.

Book trivia: the bonus to Piecework is the photography and poetry.

Life Among the Savages

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Jackson, Shirley. Life Among the Savages. Narrated by Lesa Lockford. Dreamscape Media, 2015.
Jackson, Shirley. Life Among the Savages. Farrar, Straus and Young, 1953.

Reason read: December is Jackson’s birth month. Read in her honor.

This is a delightful series of essays about being a mother and wife in a large family. Jackson has four children in a very chaotic home. She attacks each subject whether it be education, childbirth, failings of the furnace and automobile or life with a cat with wit, sarcasm, humor, and humility. This was a great way to pass a rainy afternoon. I look forward to her other nonfictions as well as the fiction on my list.
Confessional: There were times I wanted to strangle her children but refrained from throwing the book across the room when I realized there potentially could be a fair amount of exaggeration in Jackson’s descriptions.

Author fact: Pearl misfiled Life Among the Savages under ghost stories because Jackson also wrote the very creepy short story “the Lottery.”

Book trivia: try to find the version with Lesa Lockford as narrator. It is fantastic.

Music: “Joy to the world,” and “O Come, All Ye Faithful.”

BookLust Twist: from Book Lust in the odd chapter called “Ghost Stories” (p 100). I say odd because Life Among Savages is not a ghost story. It is just mentioned because Jackson did write a scary story or two.

Silence, Not for Sale

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Humphreys, April. Silence, Not for Sale. Publish Nation, 2025.

Reason read: I am a member of the Early Review program for LibraryThing. Every so often, I review a book that touches my heart. This is one such book.

Humphreys begins her story on a gray November day. The November sky outside my window matched hers when I sat down to read Silence, Not for Sale. Confessional: I had no idea that those details would not be the only similarities between us. It took me twice as long to read Silence, Not for Sale because of that fact.
Humphreys takes her reader back to December 1962, back when it all began in early childhood. For a victim of incest to come clean in such an honest and open way, Humphreys demonstrated courage in a way few people are capable. To relive childhood living nightmares is heroic. In addition to navigating a history of sexual abuse, Humphreys had to come to terms with a less than sympathetic mother and sister. Time and time again, Humphreys recalls stories of her mother’s callous and narcissistic nature. It is no secret that families are complicated, no matter their history. When family members refuse to recognize the trauma, or worse, accept their part in it, victims are slow to heal. Humphreys is no different, taking decades to sort out her grief. She had to make significant sacrifices in the name of self preservation. I applaud her courage.
Confessional: when Humphreys started to name all of the siblings of her parents and other family members I questioned if it was necessary to know all twenty-five of them?. Did I need to know them by name – Ernie, Betty, Brenna, Rose, Joan, Les, Lil, Alex, Jules, Sandra, Flo 1, Lily, Jack, Bob, Don, Flo 2, Pat, June, Bill, Elaine, Teddy, Jerry, Rose, Don, Larry, Tom, Troy, Richard, Sarah, Rachel, Grace, Nan, and Bet?

As an aside, did Humphreys want the reader to think she was crafting a suicide note? I certainly considered that until she said she had her husband print out copies of her letter to mail.

Confessional: my father was not around when I was born. When he was presented with a photograph of me soon after birth he commented that I resembled a shriveled prune. I call my partner my knight in shining armor, too. I did not learn to drive until I was twenty-five years old. There are other similarities that I will not get into here.

Music: “Long Haired Lover” by Jimmy Osmond, and “The Sunshine of Your Smile.”

Bee Season

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Goldberg, Myla. Bee Season. Doubleday, 2000.

Reason read: I have a category called “Special Child Month” and this book falls in it.

Poor eleven year old Eliza Naumann just wants to be noticed by her family. Every member of her family has their own preoccupation. Older brother Aaron, once destined to becomes a rabbi, is on a quest to discover the right religion for him. Slowly he becomes absorbed into the Harre Krishna culture and dreams of becoming a pujari speaking Sanskrit. Mother Miriam has a fixation on stealing things. She stole a random shoe from a mall department store sale rack. She didn’t even want the shoe, useless without its mate, after all. She ended up throwing it away. Each theft begs the question why Each family member slips further into the background while Eliza becomes obsessed with words. When she discovers she is good at spelling her father becomes her champion and urges her to “remove herself entirely from daily life, to brush against the limitless” (p 98). There is an open-ended conclusion to this fractured family.

Lines I liked, “Besides, he can always masturbate to his memories” (p 48) and “It is late enough that the grass is filled with tomorrow’s dew” (p 196).

Author fact: Bee Season was Goldberg’s first book and the only one I am reading for the Challenge.

Book trivia: the front and back covers of Bee Season mimic a dictionary. The novel was made into a movie in 2005.

Music: Duran Duran, Eurythmics, Flock of Seagulls, Pachelbel canon, “God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman,” the Eagles, and “Oh Susanna.”

BookLust Twist: first, in Book Lust in the chapter called “Jewish American Experience” (p 132), and then again in More Book Lust in the chapter called “Child Prodigies” (p 43).

Kansal Clunker

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Kansal, Neil and Ruchin Kansal. Kansal Clunker: the Car That Rebuilt Us. Koehler Books, 2025.

Reason read: Being a member of the Early Review Program with LibraryThing I get to review cool books. This is one such book.

Prepare to be thoroughly entertained by Neil Kansal and his father, Ruchin. Sharing perspectives on a singular adventure, they have written a charming book about driving across the country in what they call the Kansal Clunker, a rebuilt 1998 Acura Integra with 159,068 miles. What started as a desire to learn how to drive a car with a manual transmission in 2020 turned into an epic road trip. Stopping at interesting sights along the way filled out an adventure of a lifetime. From Connecticut to Colorado, this was a chance for sixteen year old Neil to get to know his father as a person and vise versa.
I thought the maps, memories, photographs, and family comments were a nice touch.

Natalie connection: the family relocated to Newtown, Connecticut. Natalie has performed in support of Ben’s Lighthouse a few times now. I will be attending the benefit this November.

Playlist: “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star,” “Happy Birthday,” Garth Brooks, Blake Shelton, Kane Brown, and “Itsy-bitsy Spider.”

Author facts: Ruchin design Cinemark theaters and Neil was a principal cellist of the University Orchestra.

Book trivia: you can learn more about the Kansal adventure via their website and Instagram site.

In Revere, In Those Days

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Merullo, Roland. In Revere, In Those Days. Shaye Areheart Books, 2002.

Reason read: Merullo was born in September. Read in his honor.

Anthony Benedetto is a sweet kid (almost too sweet) growing up in Revere, Massachusetts. His is a world where his extended Italian-American family is everything. When Benedetto loses both his parents in a plane crash his grandparents are quick to take him in. Recognizing Anthony’s sweet nature his grandfather teaches him to play hockey to avoid street fights Anthony would inevitably lose. This love of hockey is the foundation for Anthony’s young life and carries him through high school and college.
Anthony is also surrounded by aunts, uncles, cousins; an army of people who support him in every possibly way. These characters are not without their flaws and Anthony must navigate his confusion surrounding their actions. An uncle who gambles too much. An aunt who commits infidelity. A cousin who insists on dating the wrong boys. He loves them all, but does not completely understand their self destructive ways.
Merullo’s imagery is everything. An example: most people would take the easy route and describe a waning relationship as people “drifting apart.” Merullo says “melt” instead. In Revere, In Those Days is beautiful and I cannot wait to read his other works.

An an aside, I ran my first half marathon in Alton Bay.

Author fact: Like his protagonist, Anthony Benedetto, Merullo went to Exeter and Brown. I wonder if he played hockey.

Book trivia: this should be a movie.

Music: “O Signore,” “Lenta Va La Luna,” “O Sole Mio,” “Silent Night,” The Impressions, “My Country ‘Tis of Thee,” “Lenta Va La Luna, Lenta La Luna Va,” Derek and the Dominos’ “Layla,” and Bach.

BookLust Twist: from Book Lust in the chapter “Italian American Writers” (p 129).

Mystical Paths

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Howatch, Susan. Mystical Paths. Alfred A. Knopf, 1992.

Reason read: to continue the series started in recognition of Easter back in April.

As with every other Starbridge novel, Mystical Paths is designed to be read independently of others in the series, but it is recommended to read them in order. Characters who were in the background in previous novels jump to the forefront in later ones. This time, Jonathan Darrow’s son, Nicholas, narrates the story. Nicholas and his father are modeled after the work of Christopher Bryant and are both psychics. Nicholas is now twenty-five years old and has a “sex-mess” in the middle of the 1960s. He believes he is one half of his father and suffers from somnambulism. Every night he has to tether himself to something before falling asleep for fear of wandering off somewhere. He leads a double life in order to protect his father, his other half. Yet at eighty-eight years old, Jonathan Darrow is still sharp as a tack and can run circles around his son. Like the other Howatch books, psychological situations are examined through a spiritual and theological lens with the help of a spiritual advisor or religious mentor. Mystical Paths is one of my favorites due to the plots many twists and turns.
I think I have said this before, but the benefit of reading the Starbridge series in order, one right after the other is that besides character development the reader gets the varying perspectives of the same history. Each character recalls the same point in time with different feelings and memories. It reminded me of Michael Dorris’s Yellow Raft in Blue Water.

Every Howatch book (so far) has a character with sexual hang-ups or has trouble with alcohol. Nicholas Darrow is no different. Lines I liked, “As I mooched around, bored out of my mind, I wondered how the Church could survive the 20th century when one of its most famous training-grounds had been so wholly smothered by the dead hand of an irrelevant past” (p 19), “Funny how the vast majority of the human race has to generate a repulsive amount of noise before it can convince itself it’s having a good time” (p 55),

Author fact: Beyond the Starbridge series I have two more Howatch books to read for the Challenge.

Book trivia: According to the author’s note, Mystical Paths is the penultimate book in the Starbridge series. However, Pearl lists a seventh book, Wonder Worker, to round out the series. Wonder Worker is actually the first book in a different series.

Setlist: Peggy Lee, Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley, Beethoven, Rolling Stones, “River Deep, Mountain High” by Tina Turner, John Lennon’s “Money,” Mick Jagger, “It’s All Over Now” by the Rolling Stones,” Ella Fitzgerald, Beethoven, Mozart, Bach, Berlioz, Dead March,

BookLust Twist: from More Book Lust in the chapter called “Fathers, Mothers, Sisters, Brothers: the Family of Clergy” (p 86).

To Maggie Wherever You’ve Gone

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Andersen, Christine. To Maggie Wherever You’ve Gone. Cloeofpleirn Press, 2025.

Reason read: this was an Early Review for LibraryThing.

I have this habit of trying to solve mysteries while I read. I needed to know if Maggie was a real person and if she was, who was she to Andersen? Like a detective searching for clues I looked for answers within the words. Andersen’s daughter? No. Stepdaughter? Maybe. As I read on I stopped caring if it was real or fiction. Andersen words flow as a clear stream of meaning and you cannot help but be caught up in the flow. The reader has a vivid picture of Maggie as a child, a rebellious teenager, a lost young adult forever adrift. The imagery of angst and inner turmoil is crystal clear. So is the author’s inability to save Maggie. The feeling of helplessness and the hopelessness of trying to save a drowning soul is palpable. I read this over and over and over. While the words were painful the language was so beautiful. Beauty among the thorns. “To pick a rose you ask your hands to bleed” as Natalie Merchant would say.

Confessional: They say that once someone is deemed truly suicidal, meaning they have tried to die more than once, they won’t stop trying until they succeed. If that is the case, really and truly, then I am really and truly fukced.

I Thought I Had You Forever

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Gary’s Mum. I Thought I Had You Forever. Publish Nation, 2025.

Reason read: As a member of the Early Review Program for LibraryThing, I often read books that grab my heart and do not let go. This is one such book.

Gary’s mum lost her son when he was just thirty years old. While on vacation in Portugal Gary went to sleep one night and never woke up. For the first fifty pages of I Thought I Had You Forever Gary’s mum does a great deal of soul searching. There is a brief and didactic interlude (about ten pages) about various religions: Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism, Spiritualism, and Atheist.
I have always compared grief to fire. You cannot control grief just as you cannot control a fire that has burned out of control. Both are unpredictable and ever-changing. Just when you think you have grief (or fire) licked, something will trigger a flare up and the fight starts all over again. Grief can be a rollercoaster of up and down emotions. Grief can leave you drifting without purpose. Grief is the rudder, always determining your course of healing. Grief is searching. Where did you go? Where are you now?
Confessional: I am not a mother. I do not know the pain of losing a child in any capacity, yet I Thought I Had You Forever kept me up at night. We all grieve differently. Gary’s mum lost her ability to enjoy music for nearly five years while I clung to every note and melody and lyric to keep my missing alive. Gary’s mum didn’t listen to music for four years while I couldn’t play mine loud enough.

The lesson learned is grief is grief is grief is grief. It does not matter what the relationship. Losing someone is hard.

Author fact: Gary’s mum wrote I Thought I Had You Forever “from one mother to another.”

Music: “Buffalo Soldier,” John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, and David Bowie.