I have always had a touch of social somethingness. Call it anxiety, call it timidness, call it what you will, but I’ve always had it. Lately, it’s gotten worse in a weird way. I’m starting to avoid other things besides odd people. Case in point: I didn’t miss my nephew’s birthday. I was aware of his two-ness all Sunday long yet never got around to sending him anything. I didn’t forget. I just didn’t do. Same with a grandmother. It’s remembering without reaction. Three anniversaries went by and while I thought of the lovebirds, every one of them, I didn’t acknowledge them. What is wrong with me? Those well meaning phrases, “I meant to…” “I wanted to…” don’t mean a thing. And I’ve never liked “It’s the thought that counts” because it’s a copout and besides, no one’s reading my mind as of late. I can assure you that.
Maybe it’s the househunt and the inexplicable want to live just shy of gangland. Maybe it’s the fact I *just* got my car back (today!) and it still needs more work. Maybe it’s the job and the disappointment that I don’t have the most enthusiastic team. Maybe it’s the family and the guilt of not making the trek to see them for the holidays. I can’t even pat myself on the back for running 5.25 miles today.
I feel as though I am slip sliding away from my heart. Some will read this and call me over reactive. Prima-donna dramatic. I think it’s just the opposite. I don’t have the energy to care. My enthusiasm has flat lined.It’s as if I am dead to me.
~*LunaSea*~ 
i’ll pat you on the back for running 5.25 miles. the rest … just don’t worry about it. you always remember and acknowledge dates. you’re always there with a card or a gift or even just a phone call. give yourself a break from worrying about everyone else for once and realize you have quite a bit going on in your life right now. xoxo
thanks. it just feels a little weird to be so nonresponsive at this time. you’re right – i’ll get over it.
When you continually give of yourself to others, eventually the time comes when you need to take care of your own needs. There is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself in order to take care of the things that are most pressing in your own personal world. So go ahead and make yor own needs a priority. Take the time you need to deal with your car, the house hunt, work issues … and when those things are not as pressing, I have faith that you will find your way back to your giving nature. Until then, bask in the glory of this time and take care of your own self.
i agree with bec and ruth….you have very smart friends 🙂
i’m very proud of your run!
Ruth~ Are you sure you don’t want to add some more titles to you name like doctor? Oh wait. You would be Dr. Ruth! hahaha Anyway, thanks for being so damned wise!
Sarah~ thanks. I ran like Yertle but 5.25 is 5.25 more than I have done in weeks!