Tag: 2025

To Maggie Wherever You’ve Gone

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Andersen, Christine. To Maggie Wherever You’ve Gone. Cloeofpleirn Press, 2025.

Reason read: this was an Early Review for LibraryThing.

I have this habit of trying to solve mysteries while I read. I needed to know if Maggie was a real person and if she was, who was she to Andersen? Like a detective searching for clues I looked for answers within the words. Andersen’s daughter? No. Stepdaughter? Maybe. As I read on I stopped caring if it was real or fiction. Andersen words flow as a clear stream of meaning and you cannot help but be caught up in the flow. The reader has a vivid picture of Maggie as a child, a rebellious teenager, a lost young adult forever adrift. The imagery of angst and inner turmoil is crystal clear. So is the author’s inability to save Maggie. The feeling of helplessness and the hopelessness of trying to save a drowning soul is palpable. I read this over and over and over. While the words were painful the language was so beautiful. Beauty among the thorns. “To pick a rose you ask your hands to bleed” as Natalie Merchant would say.

Confessional: They say that once someone is deemed truly suicidal, meaning they have tried to die more than once, they won’t stop trying until they succeed. If that is the case, really and truly, then I am really and truly fukced.

I Thought I Had You Forever

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Gary’s Mum. I Thought I Had You Forever. Publish Nation, 2025.

Reason read: As a member of the Early Review Program for LibraryThing, I often read books that grab my heart and do not let go. This is one such book.

Gary’s mum lost her son when he was just thirty years old. While on vacation in Portugal Gary went to sleep one night and never woke up. For the first fifty pages of I Thought I Had You Forever Gary’s mum does a great deal of soul searching. There is a brief and didactic interlude (about ten pages) about various religions: Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism, Spiritualism, and Atheist.
I have always compared grief to fire. You cannot control grief just as you cannot control a fire that has burned out of control. Both are unpredictable and ever-changing. Just when you think you have grief (or fire) licked, something will trigger a flare up and the fight starts all over again. Grief can be a rollercoaster of up and down emotions. Grief can leave you drifting without purpose. Grief is the rudder, always determining your course of healing. Grief is searching. Where did you go? Where are you now?
Confessional: I am not a mother. I do not know the pain of losing a child in any capacity, yet I Thought I Had You Forever kept me up at night. We all grieve differently. Gary’s mum lost her ability to enjoy music for nearly five years while I clung to every note and melody and lyric to keep my missing alive. Gary’s mum didn’t listen to music for four years while I couldn’t play mine loud enough.

The lesson learned is grief is grief is grief is grief. It does not matter what the relationship. Losing someone is hard.

Author fact: Gary’s mum wrote I Thought I Had You Forever “from one mother to another.”

Music: “Buffalo Soldier,” John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, and David Bowie.

Love’s Shadow: the Ottleys

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Leverson, Ada. The Ottleys: Love’s Shadow. Virago, 1908.

Reason read: August is Levenson’s birth month. Read in her memory.

All three novels contained in The Ottleys are portraits of marriage or deep friendships. The three novels, published four years apart follow the relationship of Edith and Bruce Ottley. In Love’s Shadow Edith acts as a punching bag for her husband’s criticism. She takes the blame for things she did not do. She is often ridiculed for not being smart. Occasionally, Edith with participate in verbal sparing with her husband – only her jabs fall short of making any lasting impact of Bruce. Confessional: I found Bruce Ottley to be a detestable creature. He is even worse when his hypochondria acts up. There are other romances in Love’s Shadow that are just as ridiculous as Edith and Bruce. Edith’s friend Hyacinth has eyes for Cecil, who in turn desires the older, widowed Eugenia.
Levenson is a master at delivering sly humor. The subject of aging, “all men are good for, at a certain age, is giving advice” (p 89). Levenson’s insults are pretty clever, too. “You’re full of faults, and delightfully ignorant and commonplace” (p 147).

Author fact: it is a well known fact that Ada Levenson was a good friend of Oscar Wilde. His nickname for her was Sphinx. It is a shame that she was better known for that unique friendship more than her novels.

Book trivia: Love’s Shadow is the first book in the Ottley trilogy. Tenterhooks and Love at Second Sight follow. Sally Beauman wrote the introduction to The Little Ottleys.

Music: Schumann’s “Merry Peasant,” Mendelssohn’s Wedding March,

BookLust Twist: from More Book Lust in the chapter called “Viragos” (p 227).

One Step Behind

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Mankell, Henning. One Step Behind. Translated by Ebba Segerberg. Havrill Press, 1997.

Reason read: at one time I researched the best time to be a tourist in various countries. I later decided that wasn’t a good enough reason to read a book so I deleted all of the “best time to visit” lists. I guess I missed Sweden. According to something I read a million years ago, July is the best month to visit. Who knows if that is still true. New Reason read: the Bayside Festival is being held this July in Helsingborg.

As a Swedish police officer, Kurt Wallander is an interesting character. One of my favorite elements of Mankell’s writing is how real his characters are drawn. Kurt lost his father and takes the time to help his stepmother sell the house. He has bad dreams and concerning health issues. He doesn’t always listen to his colleagues. He doesn’t have the greatest attention to detail (odd for a police officer). Despite his personal problems he has a dogged dedication to his job. When a group of young people are found murdered he realizes he downplayed the urgency back when they were reported missing months earlier. He assumed they were happy-go-lucky youths and the only crime was their refusal to check in with mom and dad. Then more bodies are found, including that of a fellow police officer with ties to the first victims. Suddenly, Wallander and his team have a serial killer in their midst. Can he solve the crime before more people are slain?

Author fact: Henning Mankell’s photograph looks like how I would picture Kurt Wallander.

Book trivia: confessional – I listened to this on audio and it was hard to differentiate the various characters with their foreign names.

Setlist: the Overture to Rigoletto by Guiseppe Verdi.

BookLust Twist: from Book Lust in the chapter called “I Love a Mystery” (p 117).

Big Red Train Ride

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Newby, Eric. Big Red Train Ride: a Ride on the Trans-Siberian Railway. Penguin, 1978.

Reason read: the first electric trains were introduced in the month of July.

Six thousand miles. Seven time zones. The big, red Trans-Siberian train ride took Eric Newby and his wife from Moscow to the Pacific.

Eric Newby and his wife, Wanda, embarked on an epic journey across Siberia back in the late 1970s. All along the way, Newby peers into the habitations of USSR locals with curiosity and humor. His words could be lyrical in addition to being sarcastic and humorous.
It is interesting to read Fear by Anatoli Ryabakov at the same time as The Big Red Train Ride. Reading about Stalin from the fictional and historical perspectives, especially during 1936 – 1938 and the rein of Great Terror. Both books report the arrest of seven million people (not including the criminals) and the death toll during Stalin’s time to be somewhere around twenty million souls. When talking about the Siberian exiles Newby did not mention the Russians who were perceived to have made fun of Stalin and were banished or murdered simply as a result of his paranoia.
It goes without saying that Big Red Train Ride is a bit dated. Written in 1977, there is a great deal of “this will be done” statements. For example, he used the future tense when talking about a railway to be finished in 1980. When Newby was trying to take photographs of certain stations I thought of my sister and her smart phone. She takes stealthy pictures of people all the time. Her subjects are none the wiser. Meanwhile Newby was getting yelled at left and right.
As an aside, I appreciated the humor in Big Red Train Ride. Newby was not a fan of knobbly knees.

Lines I liked, “It was certainly Saturday, unless sit was Sunday” (p 72). I get that way, too. Especially on Monhegan. Here’s another that reminded me of the island, “…a grey stretch of water on a rocky, fog-bound coast” (p 260).

As an aside, my papa loved trains. He died earlier this month so I cannot help but think of him and how he would have loved this journey.

Author fact: I have four books by Eric Newby on my list. Round Ireland in Slow Gear and Love and War in the Apennines are left to read. I am looking forward to Love and War because my friend has always wanted me to see the Apennines. I am planning a trip this spring.

Book trivia: there are some interesting black and white photographs included in The Big Red Train Ride.

Music: “Auld Lang Syne”, “One Day Over the Urals”, Judy Garland, and “Lord Dismiss Us with Your Blessing”.

BookLust Twist: from Book Lust To Go in the chapter called “Making Tracks By Train” (p 138).

Scandalous Risks

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Howatch, Susan. Scandalous Risks. Alfred A. Knopf, 1990.

Reason read: to continue the series started in April in honor of Easter. Since Howatch’s entire series is about the Church of England I thought this would be appropriate.

When we catch up to the residents of Starbridge it is the 1960s are we are introduced to our first main character outside of the Church of England. Venetia Flaxon’s story is told in first person and she is not a religious arch anything. Not a bishop or dean or deacon. She was just a child and a minor character in Ultimate Prizes. Now she takes the lead as a young amorous adult in Scandalous Risks. Her first scandalous risk is to fall in love with 61 year old Neville “Stephen” Aysgarth. Desperate to stay connected to her crush, Venetia takes a job transcribing the notes of Bishop Charles Ashworth as he writes a book disputing the philosophies of Honest to God by John Arthur Thomas Robinson. [A book that is still in print to this day.] This is the center conflict in Scandalous Risks. Bishop Ashworth wants to destroy the teachings of Robinson. Who better to transcribe the Bishop’s scribblings than Venetia who was raised by an agnostic father? Her own motives are no so innocent. To learn more about her dean she uses someone she despises to get close to people in his past, like Jonathan Darrow, his once spiritual advisor. Meanwhile Aysgarth is still practicing his multi-personality tricks in order to not commit adultery by being Neville with Venetia and Stephen with his wife. Stephen is acutely aware of his wife’s well-being while Neville is free to be in love with Venetia. To complicate matters, there are four Nevilles to chose from! [As an aside, in case you were wondering, Venetia’s second scandalous risk was to wear trousers on a Sunday!]
The next generation of characters are introduced: Nick, Jonathan Darrow’s son, is a psychic like his father.
With every Starbridge book, each chapter is headed by a quote from someone connected to the Church of England. This time John Arthur Thomas Robinson, the author of Honest To God.

Quote I loved, “Having reflected that my triumph would have been far more gratifying if Eddie had not been psychically repulsive and mentally exhausting” (p 93). I definitely know people like that. And here is another, “Dimply it occurred to me that in order to participate intelligently in these extraordinary conversations I needed a wisdom which I had not lived long enough to acquire” (p 203).

Author fact: Susan Howatch has been compared to Anthony Trollope.

Book trivia: I probably should have mentioned this with the first book, Glittering Images, but I didn’t think of it. Every book in the Starbridge series can be read independently of the others. Howatch recommends reading them all in order because the histories of each character brings a richness to the plot.

Music: the Beatles’s “Love Me Do”, Beethoven, Swan Lake, Elvis Presley’s “Heartbreak Hotel,” “I Need You Love Tonight,” and “You’re Right, I’m Left, She’s Gone”, “Moonlight Sonata”, Aida, “Ode to Joy,” Cliff Richard, Adam Faith, Eden Kane, Floyd Cramer, Del Shannon, Jim Reeves, Buddy Holly’s “Peggy Sue” and “That’ll Be the Day”, the Beatles’ “All You Need is Love,” and “Got a Lot O Living to Do.”

BookLust Twist: from More Book Lust in the chapter called “Fathers, Mothers, Sisters, Brothers: The Family of the Clergy” (p 86).

Dust and Ashes

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Rybakov, Anatoli. Dust and Ashes. Translated by Antonia W. Bouis. Little Brown and Co., 1996.

Reason read: to continue the series started in May.

Like Rybakov’s last novel, Fear, in Dust and Ashes the author takes the time to catch his readers up to the saga thus far. Yuri is a member of the secret police, Vika is married and living in Paris, her brother Vadim is also an NKVD informant. Maxim is in the Red Army as a commander. Nina is a Communist while her sister, Varya, rejects Communism and remains true to her friends. Sasha has been freed from exile but he is not allowed back in Moscow or any other major Russian city. Dust and Ashes begins in 1937. When we left Sasha and Varya, their romance had cooled after Sasha learned of Varya’s previous marriage to a gambler. Sasha struggles to make ends meet in various small towns, first as a truck driver and then as a ballroom dance instructor. World War II is almost a central character alongside Sasha Pankratov and Joseph Stalin. This is the era of endless interrogations (when you would rather have chat). Promotions could mean a reshuffling of the personnel deck or a literal death sentence. It is stunning the way Rybakov can seamlessly interject facts into a fictional account of the Great Purge. Details like the assassination of Trotsky. Two battles rage in Dust and Ashes – the delicate dance of Tyrants (Hitler and Stalin) and the Battle for Romance (Sasha and Varya). Who will win? Sometimes, when the target is not persuaded, the only motivation can come from fear. Confessional: the final pages of Dust and Ashes had me holding my breath. I did not want to believe it was the end. Surely there would be another sequel, a fourth or even fifth installment to the saga. But in actuality, really what more about be said?

Something I wanted to say in the last review but forgot – Rybakov had a character drink pickle juice to combat a hangover. I have to wonder if that really works.

Quotes to quote, “…I want to remain a decent person in these vile times” (p 79). The same could be said for these terrible times. Here is another: “Gone was the joyful amazement at life, the anticipation of happiness in a world which has seemed so inviting and lovely” (p 214).

Author fact: Anatoli Rybakov’s life mirrored Sasha Pankratov’s. Rybakov lived at 51 Arbat Street and he also joined the army.

Book trivia: Antonia W. Bouis also translated Fear.

Music: Confessional: these are songs from Fear: “Rio Rita” and “Splashes of Champagne”.
Dust and Ashes music: Isabella Yurieva, Leshchenko, Ivan Kozlovsky, Maria Maksakova, Stas Mikhallov, “Droplets if Champagne”, “Weary Sun”, and Leonid Utesov’s “From the Odessa Jail”,
Banned songs: “Jail,” “the Hop,” and “Murka.”

BookLust Twist: from Book Lust in the chapter “Russian Heavies” (p 210). Pearl wasn’t kidding. Dust and Ashes was almost too heavy for my heart to lift.

Accordionist’s Son

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Atxaga, Bernardo. The Accordionist’s Son. Translated by Margaret Jull Costa. Graywolf Press, 2003.

Reason read: the running of the bulls in Spain usually takes place in July. This year it was July 7-14.

David Imaz is caught between two worlds. Exiled on his uncle’s ranch in California he looks back on his youth in Basque Spain during the civil war. Young David was caught between his father and uncle. David tried to stay neutral during the varying conflicts, both personal and political. The message of youth received loud and clear was the idea that people lived double lives in order to survive. His father, on the side of the fascists, was suspected of murder and deep down David thought it was true. By playing the accordion like his father, David remained under his thumb. The only escape was to denounce the instrument and join a band of revolutionaries. However, the accordion became crucial as a way to calm the nerves and carry the explosives.
Thoughts:
This was a time of war when anything was possible. Propaganda was spread by donkeys so that the agitators could remain anonymous. Boys turned to boxing because being a human punching bag earned ten times more than an honest day at the saw mill.
As an aside, there is a beautiful moment in the book when an aging David, many years later, sees his family and friends in the colorful wings of butterflies.

Images of life that I liked: the thrill of David’s courtship of Virginia brought me back to my own days of innocence – flirtful letters dropped in a library book drop and the desk of a hotel concierge. The aging of the dog was a message of time passing which David received loud and clear.

This quote makes me think of my friend: “…without curiosity one learns nothing” (p 244).
Another quote I liked, “…time doesn’t pass in vain, that we will not embrace in the grave those whom we failed to embrace in life” (p 265). Amen to that. I’m looking at you, Mr. Nash.

Author fact: While Atxaga wrote a bunch of other books, this is the only one I am reading for the Challenge.

Music: “Mary Queen of Arkansas”, “Barcola”, “Padam, Padam”, Marie Laforet’s “La plage, la vie s’en va”, “To You, My Love” by the Hollies, Credence Clearwater Revival’s “Susie Q”, “Casatschok,” “Pagotxueta,” Henry Mancini’s “Soldiers in the Rain,” “The Touch of Your Lips,” Antonio Machin’s “Angelitos Negros,” and “Five Hundred Miles.”

BookLust Twist: from Book Lust To Go in the simple chapter called “Spain” (p 218).

Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down

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Fadiman, Anne. The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down: A Hmong Child, Her American Doctors, and the Collision of Two Cultures. Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1997.

Reason read: the Buddhist Lent is celebrated in July.

Fadiman tries to explain the Hmong culture, break down the stereotypes, and debunk the myths about this mysterious population of Southwestern Asia. At the heart of The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down is the story of a Hmong child, Lia Lee, diagnosed with epilepsy and the cultural clash between American doctors and Hmong beliefs. Old world meets modern America: pig offal thrown into a Rainbow low-suds detergent bucket during a ceremony to heal a Hmong. Lee’s family were destined to forever search for her soul after she suffered a catastrophic seizure that left her mentally impaired.
I think it goes without saying that we fear what we do not understand. I firmly believe that in order to truly understand another culture, you need to submerge yourself in their world for a least a year. For example, it is not peculiar for a Hmong person to hunt small game with a crossbow. Maybe not down the streets of midtown Philadelphia, but what is the difference to a hungry person when a meal is right in front of them?
As an aside, resources within The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down are a little outdated. For example, the St. Olaf website about the Hmong no longer exists.
As I closed the book on the Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down‘s final pages, I wondered where Lia was today, or more importantly, where was her soul. I learned she died when she was thirty years old.

Quote that sums up the book perfectly: “…diseases are caused by fugitive souls and cured by jugulated chickens” (p ). No on in modern medicine knows how to practice cross-cultural medicine without offending some spirit.

Author fact: I am reading two books by Fadiman for the Challenge.

Book trivia: The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down has been used in classrooms as a textbook.

Setlist: U2, Bon Jovi, White Snake, Motley Crue, “Star-Spangled Banner,” and “Happy Birthday.”

BookLust Twist: from More Book Lust in the chapter called “Social Studies” (p 205).

Which Witch?

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Ibbotson, Eva. Which Witch. Apple Paperback, 1979.

Reason read: I am not really sure what I meant by this. I put Which Witch in the category of “Tequila Month” (???).

Imagine being new parents and realizing your darling baby boy is not normal. He was actually born a wizard. George became Arriman Canker and he grew up a solitary dark magic maker. When it came time for Arriman to finally find a wife he decided to hold a contest the week of Halloween. Which witch would make the perfect mate? Only a competition could tell him the true dark witch for him. He wanted a witch who could create the most vile, the darkest, the most powerful and evil magic imaginable. Meet the witches vying for Arriman’s hand in marriage:
Mabel Wrack, the sea witch. Her familiar is an octopus. Her magic for the competition was to raise the Kraken and my favorite magic of the whole lot.
Ethel Feedbag, the country witch with the pig as her familiar.
Nancy and Nora Shouter, twin witches with chickens. Their magic
Mother Bloodwort who occasionally turns herself into inanimate objects and then cannot remember how to change herself back.
Madame Olympia, with an aardvark as a familiar. Her magic for the competition was the most impressive. She created a Symphony of Death Performed by a Cast of Thousands.
Belladonna, a young witch with no familiar.
Needless to say, the competition does not go as planned but Arriman finds a wife and they all live happily ever after…sort of.

Here is something new I learned about magic: milk is the antidote to a spell.

Monalot (her real name was Gwendolyn Swamp). Her familiar is a sheep. She couldn’t compete because she got sick.

Author fact: Ibottson has written a ton of stuff for children. This is the only book I am reading for the Challenge.

Book trivia: My copy of Which Witch was illustrated by Annabel Large.

BookLust Twist: from Book Lust in the chapter called “Not Only for Kids: Fantasies for Grown-Ups” (p 175). It should be of note that Which Witch is the last book in this chapter.

Not Quite Dead Enough

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Stout, Rex. Not Quite Dead Enough. Pyramid Books, 1944.

Reason read: to continue the series started in November.

Rex Stout likes to throw his readers a curve ball now and again. When we rejoin Archie and Nero in Not Quite Dead Enough, Archie has been in military service in Washington D.C. for two months. There is a war going on and he is trying to do his part. Meanwhile back in Manhattan, Nero Wolfe wants to do his part for the war effort as well. Comically, he and Fritz have been training to be soldiers by exercising and eating better (ha!). When Archive returns he is horrified by the change.
A welcome surprise for readers is the fact that Lily Rowan is back. We first met Archie’s crush back in Some Buried Caesar. This time Archie has set his sights on a new girl, Ann Armory, who works for the National Bird League. Only…she ends up dead. Of course she does. Since Wolfe is not interested in solving crime anymore Archie has to make matters into his own hands by becoming suspect number one. He is last seen with the pretty girl at a dance. His hair is found in her dead fist. Will Archie convince Nero to take the case and clear his name?

Book trivia: this is another one of those “double mysteries” where two novellas are combined.

BookLust Twist: from Book Lust in the chapter called “Rex Stout’s Nero Wolfe: Too Good To Miss” (p 226).

Vows

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Spencer, LaVyrle. Vows. Jove, 1988.

Reason read: Spencer’s birthday is in July. Read in her honor.

We begin Vows just outside the territory of Wyoming in the year 1888. Vows is a sweet story peppered with the perfect amount of old west/new territory drama. Victorian decorum mixes with modern day sensibilities about love and intimacy. Emily Walcott, a feisty tomboy and fiercely loyal to her family is engaged to a family friend she has known since childhood. Charles Bliss followed her family from back east to Wyoming so not only is he a family friend, he is the epitome of home. However, the sparks don’t fly when she is kissing Charles Bliss on the wild western plain (thanks, Natalie, for that phrase). Still she knows he is a good man and her family has loved him forever. Enter Thomas Jeffcoat, a stranger in town. Newly arrived, he is the antithesis of Charles. Rough around the edges, a threat to her family’s business, and not afraid to speak his mind. Tom Jeffcoat knows how to make sparks catch fire when it comes to Emily Walcott. And there are sparks from the very beginning of their acquaintance. Who will Emily chose for her beau? Safe and familiar Charles or wild and unpredictable Tom?
As an aside, even though Spencer bucked the stereotypical bodice ripper cover, she kept the cliché of one character vehemently hating another while the attraction silently simmered. Love/hate relationships are the perfect vehicle for smoldering passions.

Line I liked, “How difficult it was to unravel a lifetime’s snarls” (p 284).

Author fact: Spencer thanked her local librarians for helping research details in Vows. I just love that.

Book trivia: Vows is simile central. Be prepared for “like a mole,” “like a white flotilla,” “like a giant,” “like a railroad tunnel,” “like an unspring wagons”, and on and on.

Music: Strauss Blue Danube, “While Strolling Through the Park One Day”, “All Praise, All Glory, Now We Sing”, “The Blue-tailed Fly”

BookLust Twist: from Book Lust in the obvious chapter called “Romance Novels: Our Love is Here to Stay” (p 203).

Raised by a Narcissist

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Bennett, Serena. Raised By a Narcissist: That Woman, AKA My Mother. Read by Jasmine Morentin.

Reason read: as a member of the Early Review Program for LibraryThing, I am privileged to read (or listen to) interesting books. This is one such story.

In March 2024 Serena Bennett decided she needed to tell her story in order to take her healing from childhood trauma to the next level. In addition to therapy, by writing a book, Bennett was able to confront truths that had been long-hidden. Her story could be considered tragic and yet there is an element of self-discovery and triumph; a phoenix rising from the ashes. She grew up with a mother who belittled, criticized, and failed to display any kind of physical affection. Her mother did not know how to nurture a child at her most formative stages. Bennett grew up with verbal and physical abuse from a woman who cared more about being right and being in control at all times.
There is so much more potential to Raised By a Narcissist. I was struck by how short and not sweet this book turned out. It dropped bombshells (“I was raped”) and moved on without fanfare. The book ended much sooner than I expected. The premise is brilliant: each chapter begins with an intelligent quote and ends with the lesson learned. Each chapter has the potential to show the reader more personal growth and healing. I use the word potential because Bennett’s stories about her mother are disjointed and confusing at times. For example, she tells the story of going to a church party and getting drunk but does not share what happened next. Because it was an audio book, I rewound the section a couple of times to make sure I didn’t miss anything.
I would have liked to learn more about Bennett as a person. I was hoping for a deeper connection with her as a survivor of trauma. While I shared similar battles with my mother, her story would have carried even more weight had I been able to get to know her better.
Confessional: there is a workbook that came with the audio. I have yet to crack it open.

Carrying the Tiger

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Stewart, Tony. Carrying the Tiger: a Memoir: Living with Cancer, Dying with Grace, Finding Joy While Grieving. West End Books, 2025.

Reason read: As a member of the Early Review Program for LibraryThing, I occasionally hit upon poignant books that stay with me long after I have read the last word. This is one such book.

Just by the title of the book, you know the subject matter is going to be hard to read. The subtitle “Dying with Grace” pretty much tells you that someone does not survive cancer. And so, almost begrudgingly, you steel yourself for a tough time of it. Tough time, it most certainly was. At times I found myself asking why I was so affected. I don’t know Tony or Lynn at all. Except, the more I read, I felt like I did. Tony’s words were so intimate and honest. Even beyond the unfathomable sadness, quite unexpectedly I ended up laughing, getting angry, and caring. Chapter by chapter, page by page – laughing, getting angry, crying, and caring. Over and over again. Full confessional: I had to read this in fits and starts. Sitting with Stewart’s words for long periods of time was difficult for me to do. I’m still not 100% finished.
Carrying A Tiger starts on a Sunday in September in 2014. Lynn had been feeling ill on and off for two months and on this particular Sunday she learned why. This was the first time the couple learned something was terribly and terminally wrong. For the next six years Stewart (and his wife) bravely shared every part of the couple’s journey through cancer. The intimacy through words is astounding.

As an aside, the title of the book comes from Tai Chi. There is a gesture of scooping low as if to collect a tiger to put him as far away as possible. The further away, the more he is perceived to be small and of little consequence. I have to wonder if Tai Chi is a common prescription for cancer patients. My OM had a bunch of videos found in her collection after her death from a brain tumor and my coworker mentioned Tai Chi while she was going through chemo.
As another aside, I had an ah-ha moment while reading Carrying the Tiger. Tony wrote about “…downplaying painful details” so that friends would not abandon them. Maybe that is what happened with J. Maybe when I shared the awful month when OM died it was TMI and so they ghosted me. I said too much.
As a third aside, Tony’s description of “Covid-19 times” brought back memories. When he described people banging on pots and pans to honor the healthcare workers I remembered my drummer friend who religiously drummed every night at 7pm from his Brooklyn window.

Author fact: Tony Stewart is not a writer by trade. He began his foray into a relationship with words when he kept a journal on CaringBridge.org. The words did not stop just because Lynn was no longer with him. The words became this book.

Book trivia: I was surprised to see color photographs. How lovely.

As an aside, I am a fan of anyone who quotes e.e. cummings.

Confessional: I need to know if Stewart has seen “After Life” written by and starring Ricky Gervais?

Housekeeper’s Secret

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Schnakenburg, Sandra. The Housekeeper’s Secret: a Memoir. She Writes Press, 2024.

Reason read: as a member of the Early Review Program for LibraryThing, I often get to read interesting books. This was one book I inhaled.

Sandra Schnakenburg has always been good with numbers so it seemed like a natural fit for her to become an accountant, but an author? That seems a little farfetched until you learn that her childhood housekeeper of thirty years had a dying wish for Schnakenburg to tell her life story. Then when you read the stories Schnakenburg has to tell about her housekeeper and friend, Lee Metoyer, it all makes sense. This is an important story that needs to be told for many reasons. Lee’s life was as incredible as it was tragic. However, Schnakenburg’s own upbringing is just as compelling. Hers is a story worth telling, too. She grew up in an affluent neighborhood in an extravagant house with five siblings. This was a household where someone had to feed the koi that lived in the pond under the grand staircase. Someone had to iron the bedroom linen. Someone had to line up seven different breakfast juices so that the man of the house could take his pick. The list goes on. Hidden behind the curtain of Schnakenburg’s perfect childhood hides abuse, corruption, and fear. The Housekeeper’s Secret is a story of survival and triumph on multiple levels.
Confessional: sometimes I noticed little inconsistencies. In Housekeeper’s Secret Schnakenburg’s timeline becomes a little skewed. She was six years old when her father took the family to Disneyland, but in the previous chapter she is seven. [Schnakenburg also gets Disneyland confused with Disneyworld. I do, too.] In another scene Metoyer’s cup is empty but she takes a sip of coffee.

Quote of a quote to quote: “There is always that one summer that changes you” -Beth Merlin. Amen to that. I was 23. I experienced the first summer romance of my life and then my father died.

Music: Elvis, “Happy Birthday”, “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”, Glenn Miller’s “When That Man is Dead and Gone”, “We Are Family”, and “Paper Doll” by the Mills Brothers.