Tag: addiction

Breakdown, Recovery and the Outdoors

gr4c5Leave a comment

Bremicker, Christopher G. Breakdown, Recovery and the Outdoors. Running Wild Press, 2025.

Christopher Bremicker tells a believable story about Mike Reynolds, a Vietnam veteran struggling with schizo-affective disorder and posttraumatic stress disorder in equal measure. [As an aside, I met a veteran who refused to call PSTD a “disorder.” He said he was living with posttraumatic stress. Period. It was not a disorder. I have never forgotten his plea for normalcy.] Mike Reynold’s days are filled with self-medicating with alcohol and the outdoors. Alcohol numbed his feelings while homelessness staved off his claustrophobia. Hunting and fishing kept his demons at bay and his days normal. The emotions Mike experienced are so raw and believable that I was grateful for Bremicker’s disclaimer that he did not serve in Vietnam although I suspect there are elements of autobiography in Breakdown to make it so realistic: the relapse after five years of sobriety, for example. In Bremicker’s acknowledgements he mentions alcoholism and mental illness.
Short chapters move Mike’s story along at a fast pace even though it is a relatively simple story: hunting, recovery, relationships. You find yourself rooting for Mike, even if you don’t know him very well.
I noticed Breakdown was a little repetitious here and there (he mentions being proud to be a veteran but hated his appearance a few times).
Only annoyance: Andy, Alan, Anne, Bill Gillette, Bunk Knudson, Cinder, Corky Fowler, Dave, Dick “Smithy” Smith, Dick Anderson, Emma, Grace, Gunderson, Geiger, Gary Nicholson, Hagman, Jake, Jason, Jack, Jim, Jonas, Joanne, Jeff Huchinson, Lewis, Lou Johnson, Lucas, Muhammed, Myron Nelson, Nancy, Penny, Powers, Rob, Ryan, Sam, Santiago, Sheila, Steve, Sasha, Teller, Tim, Vicky, Weaver, Wetzel, Whitman, Willy, and Wade. Did I really need to know all these names? It was like a science fiction novel with a bunch of characters who mean nothing to the plot. Yet, at the same time who knew Mike had a brother named Tim? He didn’t factor into Mike’s recovery at all.

Author fact: the very first words of Breakdown, Recovery and the Outdoors are “I did not serve in Vietnam” (unpaged).

Book trivia: Loose pages make for difficult reading. They kept falling out so I ended up throwing them away after I read them.

Natalie connection: every time Mike or Vicky had a drink I thought of the 10,000 Maniacs song, “Don’t Talk,” a song about being in a relationship with an alcoholic.

Cracking Up

gr4c5Leave a comment

Lownds, Gordon. Cracking Up: From Rising Star to Junkie Despair in 1,000 Days: an Unlikely Addicts Memoir. Life to Paper, 2025.

Gordon Lownds begins his story in October of 1998 in rehab. He calls himself an unlikely addict, but how easily a stripper crackhead turned his life upside down (all for the sake of hot sex) indicates otherwise. Annabelle got him to pay for acting classes, an apartment, clothes, jewelry, headshots, twenty-eight days of rehab (which did not work), a vehicle, and so much more. She was a blackmailing siren who took Lownds entire life and dashed it upon the rocks.
As an aside, I seriously could see Lownds’s story ending up in a movie. His over the top personal life of joining a carnival when he was seventeen, being a male go-go dancer for a short time, and being a bass player in a band seemed Hollywood enough; never mind the fact he is a divorced father; there is plenty of graphic sex, violence, wealth, drug dealers, cops, and drama in his adult life. Let’s not forget Annabelle, the gorgeous troublemaker who started this whole adventure. His story is too outrageous to be true. Reading Cracking Up was a very wild ride.

Confessional: I lost a friend to addiction. If it wasn’t outright suicide, it was an accidental overdose. I have to wonder what really made Lownds, at forty-eight years of age, decide to try crack cocaine for the first time? Was a woman really to blame?

Second confessional: my link to Cracking Up expired and somehow the book was not save to Funnel. I did not finish the book.

Setlist: Enigma, Sly and the Family Stone’s “Hot Fun in the Summertime”, “Suicide Blonde” by INXS, “Running on Empty” by Jackson Browne, “Private Dancer” by Tina Turner, “Purple Rain” by Prince, Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick in the Wall”, Nine Inch Nails, “Life in the Fast Lane” by the Eagles, and Tower of Power’s Back to Oakland.

Last Bongo Sunset

gr4c5Leave a comment

Plesko, Les. Last Bongo Sunset. Simon & Schuster, 1995..

Reason read: Read in honor of Kerouac’s birth month. He was born on March 12th, 1922. I don’t know if this is some kind of sign, but no library in my area had a physical copy of Last Bongo Sunset. I had to read it online. Not entirely horrible.

Within two days of quitting school in Boston, and arriving in Venice Beach, a protagonist only known as “College” has met and befriended pimp Gary, and his girlfriend/prostitute, Cassandra. Gary has Cassandra hanging out of College’s window by her ankles. No idea how or why they got into his apartment, but three hours later, though, College is sharing the needle and popping his heroine cherry with them. His lily white track-free arms will never be the same. A little while later along comes barely twelve year old Maria to join the fun. Maria, on the run herself, is recruited to earn money for the group. The days blur together in a never-ending cycle of hustling for cash, indulging in meaningless sex, and sinking into a drug filled oblivion. Despite College getting bored with the cycle there is a sticky sheen of hopelessness which no one can wipe clean. The book ends with a glimmer of hope as empty as a sunny day in Venice Beach.
There was a level of intimacy with not only the drugs, but the act of using. Every aspect of shooting meth is explained with enough detail (like the rolling of veins that make it difficult for the needle to hit) to make me squirm.

There were moments of brilliant writing: “smeared his relief” – an action and a feeling. I don’t think I need to spell out the action or the subsequent feeling.

Dated marketing that helps orientate the reader to the era: Brylcreem, Ford Fairlane, Hank Aaron, Babe Ruth, Apollo 15,

Author fact: Plesko has written a few books but I am only reading Last Bongo Sunset for the Challenge.

Book trivia: cover art for Last Bongo Sunset is a bit weird. On the left hand side is a photograph of a tattoo. The tattoo is of a skeleton wearing a mohawk with blood dripping from it’s jaw. It might have a forked tongue? The right hand side is a photograph of a palm tree with some clouds in an oval.

Music: Led Zeppelin, Bobby Sherman, Schumann, Beatles, Sinatra, Tammy Wynette, Chopin’s Barcarolle, “Dead Flowers”, “Maggie May”, Grateful Dead, Mel Torme, Cat Stevens, Neil Young, Connie Francis, Judy Garland, “Put Your Head on My Shoulder”, “Clare de Lune”, “Stairway to Heaven”, and Lucia di Lammermoor.

BookLust Twist: from Book Lust in the chapter called “California Here We Come” (p 50).

Walking After Midnight

gr4c5Leave a comment

McCoy, Maureen. Walking After Midnight. Poseidon Press, 1985.

Reason read: Elvis was born in January. Read in his honor.

Lottie Jay is supposed to be this tough, sarcastic, wannabe country songwriter. Obsessed with Elvis Presley, Time magazine, and painting her nails, Lottie leaves her husband, goes on an alcoholic bender, crashes her 57 Chevy, and survives a stint in rehab. The premise is good. Sounds exciting. I like tough as nails women as protagonists. The only problem there was nothing else to endear me to Lottie. She leaves her farmer husband after he ridicules her songwriting abilities but not before she tapes her diaphragm to the bathroom mirror as some kind of perverse voodoo warning. Weird.
the plot mostly centers on Lottie’s bad choices in men. While she is not technically divorced from her alcoholic husband, Owen won Lottie over by taking her to see an Elvis impersonator concert, but Georgie won her over by looking like Elvis. Everyone is deeply flawed so you don’t know who to root for.
I did, however, love the character of tough-as-nails wheelchair bound Matilda. “Matt” was the best character in the book. McCoy paints her as a pathetic, fat and unhealthy lesbian, but I thought she was the most believable character in the whole book.
Confessional: there were sentences that I simply did not understand. For example, “I ran out the door just as a pack of redheaded woodpeckers tumbled from the sky and spun, doing mad things all over the yard (p 85), or “They had to envy Owen and wish they would look as fun, but turning the art of Cedar Rapids into oatmeal perfume was serious business” (p 98). What? But then there the sentences that were utterly visceral that I adored, “The hyena laughing broke into sobs” (p 25), and “The train formed a big loop of experience” (p 223). I don’t know what that last line means either, but I loved it.

Author fact: Walking After Midnight was McCoy’s first novel. It is the only one I am reading for the Challenge.

Book trivia: Walking After Midnight is a super short book. It can be read in a single day if you can stand putting up with Lottie for that long. I took her in small doses.

Playlist: Marty Robbins’s “El Paso”, Patsy Cline’s “Walking After Midnight”, Glen Campbell, Mick Jagger, Tammy Wynette’s “Stand By Your Man”, Judy Garland, Ernest Tubbs, the Rolling Stones, Loretta Lynn, Carole King’s “Will You Love Me Tomorrow?”, Kitty Wells, Hank Williams, the Osmonds, the Beatles, the Doors, Johnny Cash, Kenny Rogers, Chuck Berry, Conway Twitty, and a whole bunch of Elvis: “RockaHula”, “Girls, Girls, Girls”, “Love Me Tender”, “Return to Sender”, “C. C. Rider”, “I Was the One Who Taught Her to Kiss”, “Don’t Be Cruel”, “I Want You, I Need You, I Love You”, “Blue Suede Shoes”, “Heartbreak Hotel”, and “Hound Dog”.

Nancy said: Pearl didn’t say anything specific about Walking After Midnight.

BookLust Twist: from Book Lust in the chapter called “Elvis On My Mind” (p 79).

Less Than

gr4c5Leave a comment

Long, A.D. Less Than. Zada Press, 2023.

Reason read: as a member of the Early Review program I occasionally review books for LibraryThing. I have to admit, it was refreshing to receive a work of fiction this time around.

When we first meet Evann, he is in the middle of a drug-induced crisis. Memories and flashbacks help explain how he got to this place of desperation. Most of the book is one flashback after another, mostly surrounding the verbal and sometime physical abuse of his mother, a self-centered woman who never wanted him as her first born. Evann’s present life is all about excessive drug use and maintaining an image of normalcy for his oblivious family. It isn’t hard to do. His parents barely notice his existence and his sister, Nicole, is too caught up in being the golden child. Evann is so lost in the sauce he doesn’t have a present-day personality to speak of. His childhood self is innocent, charming, introverted. As a budding artist he shows all the signs of becoming extremely talented. Of course, no one takes this talent seriously. Certainly not, compared to Nicole’s talent as a ballerina.
Towards the end of Less Than, as a means of explanation maybe, Bruce and Ann, Evann’s parents get chapters to justify their lack of love for Evann. Even Nicole tells her story. Their secrets are a little overdramatic and exaggerated, but they prove a point: all families have ghosts; ghosts that could push a good kid into drug addiction. Because of Evann’s lack of adult personality, I wasn’t as vested in his outcome as I should have been.

Author fact: Long has her own website here.

Book trivia: Less Than is Long’s debut novel.

Playlist: Willie Nelson and “Stairway to Heaven” by Led Zeppelin.

Demon Copperhead

gr4c5Leave a comment

Kingsolver, Barbara. Demon Copperhead. Harper Collins, 2022.

Reason read: Kisa gave me this book for my birthday.

Be forewarned. The language of Demon Copperhead is sandpaper rough. There is no romantic words to describe the life of Damon, aka Demon Copperhead. His life is harsh, cruel, and ugly. Like a horrible tasting medicine or a poison akin to chemotherapy, I had to sip the chapters in small increments. Big gulps of heartbreak in paragraph form would surely kill me. And believe me, there were many moments where my eyes couldn’t take in the sentences of pain. Demon is a child with a life from hell, yet completely believable and all too common. Born to a mother addicted to drugs, bounced around from place to place, he finally ends up with a grandmother who changes his life. She doesn’t approve of men living in her house, but she knows someone who will not only take him in, but make him a star. A football star, that is. Bad luck seems to follow Demon wherever he goes. If his life isn’t transient and temporary, it is translucent and tenuous. There is never a moment when I can breathe easy for a boy in the poverty stricken, opioid laden rural south.
I am not proud of the way I minced gingerly through the early chapters of Demon Copperhead as if I were on a sharp rock beach in baby-tender bare feet. But, like a hard won marathon, I would gladly read it again and again.

Lines I loved, “It can thrill a person senseless” (p 129). “The moral of his story was how you never know the size of hurt that’s in people’s hearts, or what they’re liable to do about it, given the chance” (p -).

Book trivia: Demon Copperhead is dedicated to the survivors and is an Oprah Book. Updated to add: and it just won a Pulitzer!

Author fact: Social media has changed the way of the world. Thanks to Instagram, I was able to follow Kingsolver’s writing journey including publication, press, and book tour. It felt a little voyeuristic to pull back the curtain on a process that traditionally is hidden from the public eye, but I am grateful my favorite author chose to be so transparent with her craft.

Playlist: “Amazing Grace”, Avril Lavigne, “Beautiful Mess”, Beastie Boys, Bee Gees, Britney Spears, Brooks and Dunn, Carrie Underwood, Christina Aguilera’s “Dirrty”, Destiny’s Child, Dolly Parton, Eddie Rabbit, “Electric Slide”, Elvis, Eminem, Garth Brooks, “I Have Joy Like a Fountain in My Soul”, Ice-Cube, “It’s Gonna Be Me”, Jay-Z, Ja Rule’s “Always on Time”, Jay-Z, Kathy Mattea, LeAnn Rimes’s “Can’t Fight the Moonlight”, Loretta Lynn, “Macarena”, Mariah Carey, Michael Jackson, Nas, P!nk, Prince, Reba McIntyre, Rosanne Cash, Scarface, Snoop Dogg, Shania Twain’s “You’re Still the One”, “Song Cry”, Spice Girls, “This Little Light of Mine”, “Thong Song”, Tommy Cochran’s “Life Happened”, Tupac, and Willie Nelson.

Bright Nights, Big City

gr4c5Leave a comment

McInerney, Jay. Bright Nights, Big City. New York: Vintage Books, 1984

Reason read: New York became a state in the month of July. I am also reading this for the Portland Public Library reading challenge for the category of novel written in second person.

While reading Bright Nights, Big City you want to call its protagonist a sucker. On the mean streets of New York City he buys fake Rolex watches, falls for fake schemes, follows around false friends, and believes a model could fake loving him enough to stay married until death do them part. You want to call this guy a loser because you know there isn’t a happy ending for him. There can’t be. Drugs constantly addle his mind and he never sleeps enough. His spiral becomes out of control when he loses his fact checking job for a publication, he loses his freak friends, and nearly loses his mind. What he doesn’t realize is that he has a lot to mourn. He had wanted to be a writer. He wanted to be married to a hot girl. He wanted his mother to survive cancer. He is literally drowning his deep seeded in a tsunami of cocaine and bright lights. The end comes when rock bottom is met and our friend has to have an awakening of sorts.

Author fact: McInerney also wrote the screenplay for the movie of the same name.

Book trivia: Bright Nights, Big City was made into a movie starring Michael J. Fox in 1988. You can tell I haven’t seen it because I kept getting it confused with the movie starring Robert Downey, Jr., Less Than Zero.

Nancy said: Pearl called Bright Nights, Big City a “wonderful” novel.”

BookLust Twist: from Book Lust in the chapter called “New York, New York” (p 170).

Living with the Little Devil Man

gr4c5Leave a comment

Lisetta, Lina. Living with the Little Devil Man. London: Austin Macauley Publishers, 2018.

Even though this is a quick read (less than 300 pages) I took my time with this story. While it is written plainly, be forewarned it is a hard one to read. Just as I am sure it was just as hard for the author to write. In a nutshell, it is the tragic story of a young man who was pushed off the path of normalcy at an early age by abusive parents. At the age of five Sterling started seeing a little devil man; an ugly little devil who taunted and terrorized him. Unable to articulate his malicious hallucination he kept it to himself. As Sterling grew older the visions became stronger and more pronounced. To combat this torture he turned to drugs and alcohol. These mind altering vices held the little devil man at bay and gave Sterling some sense of sanity despite finally being diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic. The rest of Sterling’s life was a precarious balance of normalcy and lunacy, sobriety and addiction, happiness and despair, violence and kindness, stability and unpredictability, caution and recklessness. Because no one ever knew what they would get people closest to Sterling had a hard time keeping him close. He experienced the push-pull of people wanting him near but ultimately needing him to leave. Even the author had breaking points. Prolonged stability in any part of Sterling’s life was nonexistent. There are no happy endings to Living with the Little Devil Man unless you consider the cautionary tale might save someone’s life.

As an aside, with respect to the author’s copyright wishes, I will not be quoting anything from this book as I am not intending this to be a critical review.

Reason read: Confessional – I read this for leisure. I work with Lina.

March to a Different Drummer

gr4c5Leave a comment

I will make a return to racing in two weeks. My last public run was in July. I’m not ready. Simply not. March is also two Natalie Merchant concerts. A return to my favorite voice. Here are the books:

Fiction:

  • Monkey’s Raincoat by Robert Crais – in honor of March being a rainy month. Dumb, I know.
  • Topper by Thorne Smith – in honor of Smith’s birth month being in March.
  • Giant by Edna Ferber – in honor of Texas becoming a state in March.

Nonfiction

  • Best and the Brightest by David Halberstam – in honor of March being the month the U.S. finally pulled out of Vietnam.
  • Cherry: a Life of Apsley Cherry-Garrard by Sara Wheeler in honor of March being the month Apsley ended his depot journey.

Series Continuation:

  • Gemini by Dorothy Dunnett – to finally finish the series started in August in honor of Dunnett’s birth month.
  • Blackout by Luiz Alfredo Garcia-Roza – to finish the series started in February in honor of the Carnival festival in Brazil.
  • Second Foundation by Isaac Asimov – to continue the series started in honor of Asimov’s birth month.
  • The Moor by Laurie R. King – to continue the series started in January in honor of Mystery Month.

For fun:

  • Flight Behavior by Barbara Kingsolver – still reading
  • Sharp by Michelle Dean – still reading
  • Calypso by David Sedaris – needed for the Portland Public Library reading challenge.
  • Living with the Little Devil Man by Lina Lisetta – written by a faculty member.
  • Hidden Southwest edited by Ray Riegert – for my May trip.
  • 1,000 Places to See Before You Die by Patricia Schultz – for my May trip…and the 2020 Italy trip.