Tag: obsession

Cracking Up

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Lownds, Gordon. Cracking Up: From Rising Star to Junkie Despair in 1,000 Days: an Unlikely Addicts Memoir. Life to Paper, 2025.

Gordon Lownds begins his story in October of 1998 in rehab. He calls himself an unlikely addict, but how easily a stripper crackhead turned his life upside down (all for the sake of hot sex) indicates otherwise. Annabelle got him to pay for acting classes, an apartment, clothes, jewelry, headshots, twenty-eight days of rehab (which did not work), a vehicle, and so much more. She was a blackmailing siren who took Lownds entire life and dashed it upon the rocks.
As an aside, I seriously could see Lownds’s story ending up in a movie. His over the top personal life of joining a carnival when he was seventeen, being a male go-go dancer for a short time, and being a bass player in a band seemed Hollywood enough; never mind the fact he is a divorced father; there is plenty of graphic sex, violence, wealth, drug dealers, cops, and drama in his adult life. Let’s not forget Annabelle, the gorgeous troublemaker who started this whole adventure. His story is too outrageous to be true. Reading Cracking Up was a very wild ride.

Confessional: I lost a friend to addiction. If it wasn’t outright suicide, it was an accidental overdose. I have to wonder what really made Lownds, at forty-eight years of age, decide to try crack cocaine for the first time? Was a woman really to blame?

Second confessional: my link to Cracking Up expired and somehow the book was not save to Funnel. I did not finish the book.

Setlist: Enigma, Sly and the Family Stone’s “Hot Fun in the Summertime”, “Suicide Blonde” by INXS, “Running on Empty” by Jackson Browne, “Private Dancer” by Tina Turner, “Purple Rain” by Prince, Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick in the Wall”, Nine Inch Nails, “Life in the Fast Lane” by the Eagles, and Tower of Power’s Back to Oakland.

Sweet Cheat Gone

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Proust, Marcel. Remembrance of Things Past: The Sweet Cheat Gone. Vol. 6. Translated by C.K. Scott Montcrieff. Chatto & Windus, 1961.

Reason read: to continue the series started in November for National Writing Month. Obviously, I have skipped a month or two.

If The Fugitive was all about keeping Albertine hostage, The Sweet Cheat Gone is her escape. Albertine’s departure sets the stage for volume six. Proust has this way of capturing obsession and grief in all their painful intricacies. You know that moment, right before coming fully awake when you thinks maybe yesterday has all been some kind of horrible nightmare? But then remembrance brings back the horror with a vengeance. Yesterday’s reality is today’s truth. Proust’s narrator is constantly remembering the times he bused Albertine’s love. He couldn’t tell her she reminded him of paintings of other female forms because he didn’t want her to think of female nude bodies. His jealousies were that strong. After her departure, he is inconsolable; able to pick up his grief right where he left off before sleep; as if he had never closed his eyes. He repeatedly fixates on how to return the escaped Albertine back to him. If you don’t believe me, count the times Albertine’s name appears on every page. It got to the point where I wanted to please take this man out behind the barn and put him out of his misery.
It is so cliché to say, but you really do not know what you have until it is gone. Proust’s narrator is no different. He enjoyed hurting Albertine while she was in his possession, but upon hearing of her death he fixates on all the times he took her for granted or thought her company to be a nuisance. Her charms, her innocence was something to be scoffed at until she vanished. Now that he has lost her everything she touched (including “the pedals of the pianola she pressed with golden slippers”) becomes all too precious. He knows he has abused her and admits as much in the way he describes her departure as flight, escape, gone, and on the run. His obsession grows worse when he thinks her dead. He couldn’t even read newspapers because the mere act of opening and lifting one to his eyes brought back memories of Albertine doing the same.
In volume two there is a return to M. de Guermantes and Gilberte. Everything remains the same. Our nameless narrator is still looking for love wherever he can find it. His mother is unwilling to let him see just how much she loved him and that bothers him.

Quotes to ponder, “An impression of love is out of proportion to the other impressions of life, but it is not when it is lost in their midst that we can take account of it” (p 107) and “We wish to be understood, because we wish to be loved, and we wish to be loved because we are in love” (p 111). This last sentence is probably my all time favorite quote of Proust’s.

Author fact: For the first volume I told you Proust’s full name. In the second review I explained where the term romans-fleuve came from. In the third review I mentioned Proust spent a year in the army. In the fourth review I mentioned the influence of Flaubert, but by the fifth review I had run out of things to say (either that or I just forgot to add an author fact). Now, in this sixth review, my author fact is Proust was also an essayist. I won’t be reading any of his essays.

Book trivia: Sweet Cheat Gone is also called The Fugitive or Albertine Gone. So many different titles, I can’t keep track! Another tidbit of info: in the French text Albertine Disparue volume one ends before chapter two, “Mademoiselle De Forcheville.” It is at this time that the obsession with Albertine abruptly ends. She is not mentioned on every page life the first volume.

Nancy said: Pearl said absolutely nothing about this volume of Remembrance of Things Past.

BookLust Twist: from Book Lust in the chapter called “Romans-Fleuves” (p 208).

September 09 was…

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September 2009 was…Back to school. I spent the first part of the month concentrating on hiring for the library and avoiding tragedy. Kisa and I took a much needed vacation – first to Fenway park (go Red Sox!) and then to Baltimore for a little getaway. September is the month I will always mourn my father, but now I add Mary Barney to the list of tears. As I have always said, everything bad happens in September. This year was no different. As you can tell, I buried myself in books.

The Escape was:

  • The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka ~ I had completely forgotten how disturbing this book was!
  • The Reivers by William Faulkner ~ a southern classic that almost had me beat.
  • A Short Walk in the Hindu Kush by Eric Newby ~ funny tale about a first-time expedition
  • Out of the Blue: the Story of September 11, 2001 From Jihad to Ground Zero by Richard Bernstein and the staff of  The New York Times ~ an unsettling journalistic account of what really happened on 9/11/01.
  • The Johnstown Flood by David McCullough ~ a nonfiction about what happens when mother nature meets bad human design.
  • Off Balance: the Real World of Ballet by Suzanne Gordon ~ a nonfiction about the ugly side of dance.
  • Sarah Canary by Karen Joy Fowler ~ magical book about three very broken people (in honor of real character month).
  • A Student of Weather by Elizabeth Hay ~ Hay’s first novel – one I couldn’t put down it was that good! This was on the September list as “the best time to visit Canada.”
  • Native Son by Richard Wright ~incredibly depressing. I’m almost sorry I read it this month.
  • The View From Pompey’s Head by Hamilton Basso ~ a last minute pick-me-up, read in honor of Basso’s birth month (but also doubled as a “southern” read).

For LibraryThing and the Early Review program: Day of the Assassins by Johnny O’Brien. Geared towards teenage boys, this was a fun, fast read.

For fun, I read a quick book called Women Who Run by Shanti Sosienski . Since our flight to Baltimore was only 40-some-odd minutes I didn’t want to bring a lengthy read. This was perfect.