For a Reason

gr4c54 Comments

It’s like a mantra. Things happen for a reason. Things happen for a reason. Things happen for a reason. I know this to be true. We didn’t succeed with the first few houses because they were not ours to have. Something bigger and better lay at the end of Ivy. The timing was all wrong in November. February couldn’t be more perfect. Things happen for a reason.

When my friend decided not to walk the twenty miles for Project Bread. I was not surprised, yet disappointed all the same. It took me a day to think things through. Would I walk without? Would I want to? It took me a week to bail myself out. Things happen for a reason. In reality, walking for hunger is a good cause for someone else. I am wedded to the crusade against cancer and domestic abuse. Been there, done that. Keep doing this. I decided to walk away from the Project Bread walk and find my Just Cause. 60 miles in three days. For breast cancer. This I can do. This I don’t mind doing on my own. I walk for Nor. I walk for me. This is the walk I am meant to walk.

When my friend of 35 years had a heart attack I had mixed emotions. A long history of ups and downs, goods and bads clouded my real emotion – fear. You don’t want people your own age to die. It’s not your time so it shouldn’t be theirs. Butbutbut, things happen for a reason. For the past three months I have wallowed in self indulgences. Since Thanksgiving I have been giving into temptations of every persuasion. Fat and lazy, I have become. When someone told me I looked beautiful I knew it was a lie. A sweet lie, but a lie none the less. I’m heavy. My heart failing friend woke selfish me, myself & moi up. Things happen for a reason. As soon as this house thing happens I am running back to healthy. I swear.

When a good, good friend brought up a painful memory it was hard to face it. Hard to take ownership of it and say yes, I really did do that. It’s unimaginable now, but yes, I really, really did that. Blame game. Pointing you out for no reason other than to strike out. Things happen for a reason. I’m glad you brought up the past and that awful time. I’m still struggling with what happened and more importantly, why butbutbut I’m done burying that past. I can dig it up and say I take responsibility for being so awful to you. I take all the blame for the blame game. It wasn’t you. Never was you. Sorry I said it was you. I’m seeing things better now that I’m so removed.

Man on the Bus

gr4c5Leave a comment

A true story.

The man needed to take his cat to the vet. She had stopped eating and was starting to vomit. All the time. He had her in a carrier. He had a carrier for his cat, but no car for himself. His cat came first, always. So he took a bus and took his cat to the vet. Cancer, they said. Nothing we can do, they said. They did not charge him. So the man left to take his cat home. Went to the same bus stop he got off from. When the bus pulled up he slowly climbed aboard, holding his carrier more carefully than before. A cat dying of cancer needs more care. He took his seat with a sigh.  “No animals on the bus” the driver said looking up in the mirror. What do you mean no animals? But, that is how I got here, the man replied. “I don’t care. No animals on the bus.” The bus driver was louder now, glaring back at him in the reflection. “You’re holding up my schedule. Get off my bus.” But, this isn’t your bus. The man argued back. So, I’m not leaving. The bus driver, furious now, ordered everyone else off the bus and called the police. The man with the cat stayed where he was.
When the police arrived they questioned the driver. The man with the cat looked down on the interrogation from his high bus window. The police officer’s arms were folded across his chest. The bus driver was gesturing wildly. Soon, the officer climbed onto the bus and headed back to the man with the cat. “What seems to be the problem here?” he asked. No problem, the man answered. I just want to take my cat home. She’s sick. “It’s a law – no animals on the bus.” The police officer looked at the cat. You will have to arrest me because I have no other way home. Take me in handcuffs, the man replied. And that is what the officer did.

But, the story doesn’t end there. On the ride to the station the man with the cat and the cop got to talking. The officer mentioned he had a cat. The man with the cat mentioned he was bipolar and relied on the goodness of strangers to help him cope with his disease. The officer mentioned his sister was bipolar. Soon they were exchanging stories about the ups and downs of illness, human and feline. Instead of taking the man with the cat downtown he asked him where he lived. Then, he took the sick man and his sick cat home.

Inn at Lake Devine

gr4c5Leave a comment

Lipman, Elinor. The Inn at Lake Devine. New York: Random House, 1998.

This kind of fiction reminds me of delicious junk food. Tastes so good going down but does nothing for you later. I found The Inn at Lake Devine very easy to swallow – read it over the course of two days while keeping up with two other books I had going.
How to describe this book? Simple, yet not. It’s about Natalie Marx, a young Jewish woman looking to start a professional career as a chef. As a young girl she learned first hand about “polite prejudice” when her family is denied a reservation to a Gentile-only, family-run resort in Vermont (The Inn at Lake Devine, of course). This exclusion creates curiosity in Natalie and she sets out to get herself invited as a guest. Fast forward ten years and through some near incredible coincidences Natalie finds herself entangled with the Inn at Lake Devine family once again. Only this time she is all grown up and ready to face the stereotypes and the complications of the heart head on. Of course it involves falling in love with the “enemy.” Under the cute romance there is an honest commentary on what it means to marry outside your religion, what it means to be accepting of societies different than your own.

Favorite lines: “‘I wipe the fuzz off peaches when a customer wants nectarines”‘ (p 61). Love the sarcasm!
“Most beautiful and moving in a repertoire of beautiful and moving carols was Silent Night in German and English, by candlelight” (p 95). That’s my favorite part of the service, too.
And one more: “‘Natalie can tell whether boiling water has been salted just by sniffing the steam,’ said Kris” (p 170). Damn, she’s good!

BookLust Twist: From Book Lustin the chapter, “Elinor Lipman: Too Good To Miss” (p 146).

A Reconstructed Corpse

gr4c5Leave a comment

Brett, Simon. A Reconstructed Corpse. Toronto: World Wide Books, 1996.

Just to hold this book in my hands was fun. It’s one of those pocket-sized paperbacks with a loaded cover. Depicted is a foggy night. A not so put-together man walks by an overturned metal garbage can. A large brown paper package tied with white cords and blood dripping from it has presumably spilled from the canister. Among the debris is broken egg shells, a worn shoe that has seen better days and an empty bottle. As if the title can’t tell you, you know by the illustration it’s a murder mystery.

Simon Brett’s A Reconstructed Corpse is a fun mystery. Charles Paris, a down and out actor, has been hired to play the role of a missing man on a true crime series called “Public Enemies.” Think re-enactment shows like “Unsolved Mysteries” or more recently, “America’s Most Wanted.” Charles’s role goes from that of a missing man to a presumed murdered man when body parts start showing up each week…right before airing. It’s a little too mysterious for Charles and soon he finds himself not only playing the dead man, but amateur detective on the side.

Phrases that caught my attention: “…fastidiously groomed and languid to the point of torpor” (p 9). “he put everything grittily – he was constitutionally incapable of speaking without grit” (p 29). He shoehorned a smile on to his face” (p 31).

I think my only complaint would be the silliness over identifying the body parts. The missing man’s wife was asked to look at the arms through plastic and she made an affirmative identification based on a fake Rolex watch. Whatever happened to DNA evidence?

 

BookLust Twist: From More Book Lust in the chapter, “All the World’s a Stage” (p 8).

I am Not Who I Say I am

gr4c55 Comments

I am not who I am say I am…or rather my mother isn’t who she says she is. At least not last Monday. I now know where I get IT from. Those closest to me will know exactly what I mean when I say, “I just had IT a minute ago!” or “I can’t find my…[fill in the blank]!” I am notorious for losing things despite having them in my possession moments before. I’ve mastered the ability to lose things so well it’s become an art form for me. No one is surprised to see me dig through a bag for minutes on end looking for misplaced keys; wander around the apartment looking for shoes; search cabinets and counters for lost cups of coffee. I think that’s the real reason I don’t wear a watch.

But, here’s the thing. I now know where I get it from. I always had my suspicions it was a genetic thing – handed down from matriarch to daughter. Now I have the proof. This weekend my mother came to visit. Managed to get herself here by bus without an ID. Sweet talked the bus driver in little ole Maine, I’m sure. Somehow she got herself here without having to prove who she was to anyone. Her excuse? She left her ID in “the other bag.” My words exactly. I say that all the time. I could have been standing before her and admitting the same thing. We had a little laugh over the forgotten ID, added an eye roll and an “Oh mom!” and forgot all about it. Until Sunday night when mom asked, “Now, how do I buy a ticket back?” Ummmm….Errrr…Hmm. I don’t know.

We ended up doing the old bait and switch. I have never been one to be tied down to identity. A name doesn’t mean all that much in my view of the world. So when mom became me and I became nobody it was if I had been born to play the part. I handed the ticket to the driver. I got on the bus. And someone else drove away.

Not a Day Goes By

gr4c5Leave a comment

Harris, E. Lynn, Not a Day Goes By. New York: Anchor Books, 2000.

Since I chose a book from the chapter, “African American Fiction: She Says” (p 12 Book Lust), it was only fair I chose one from the “He Says” side as well. From everything I heard about Not a Day Goes By two words stood out, “sassy” and “sexy” – two of my favorites.

In a word, Not a Day Goes By is about secrets. Former professional football star John Basil Henderson has some big ones he’s hiding from his fiance, Yancey. But, broadway star Yancey Harrington Braxton has even bigger ones she’s keeping from “Basil”. With their relationship chock full of lies, together they make the perfect couple. On the surface they are both beautiful, driven, talented individuals, but beneath those perfect facades hides homosexualty, a child out of wedlock, greed and old lovers who refuse to go away. Sexuality and sin ooze from nearly every page. Definitely a guilty-pleasure read! 

Favorite line, “I still got my tough-guy swagger (when needed). The only difference between two years ago and today is I realize that a tough-guy swagger looks just as dumb as a robe and halo” (p 11).

BookLust Twist: As before mentioned, from Book Lust in the chapter called, “African American Fiction: He Says” (p 11).

To Hell With It

gr4c54 Comments
If only I could be in a video game...
If only I could be in a video game...

Somehow I knew this would happen. I celebrated too early. Wished well too quick. Happiness not. I ended up being wrong. To push out my anger I turned to the tread. Not to walk. To hell with that. I turned to the tread to do what I do best; to do what I have sorely missed. I turned to the tread to run. Simply run. Screaming to ‘Paint It Black’ and angry sirsy songs and songs about Stupid Mouths I pushed my tired body and seething heart to pick up the pace and pick up my feet. I’m out of shape. I’m way out of touch with what it means to really movemovemove. It hurt. I hated. I should have had something to bite down on. Bear my teeth and draw blood. Instead I looked at a purple sticker and thought about the pain. A 12 minute mile soon became 11.5 and then 11. Still slow as molasses, but able to stick with it for three measly miles 35 minutes later.

So. So, it was only three miles but I stepped off the tread feeling vindicated, feeling somewhat stronger. I still have the hate and the hurt but the run has brought back the healing.

Coming to a Halt

gr4c55 Comments

According to the time line we are almost at the end of the ride. This thing I’ve called roller coaster is finally coasting to a stop. We are nine days away from being home owners. Nine days and three steps closer to a new craziness. I’m okay with that because it’s different from the old craziness. Anything is better than the old craziness. All that is left is packing and signing. Packing and more signing. Three days and the ride comes to a halt.

According to the time line I can stop celebrating the craziness that was my landmark birthday. This thing I’ve called turning forty is finally finished. I’m now forty and a few days. Soon it will be forty and a few weeks; a few months. Old news. I celebrated with my husband hunting for house wares and making homemade brownies. I celebrated with the ladies and got to hear my favorite drum solo. I celebrated with my mom with steamed lobsters, chocolate whoopie pies and a big 4 candle. It was perfect – all of it – but now it’s time to move on.

There are other things coming to a halt in my life. Things that have run their course and run out of time. Promises made, promises broken. I should be bothered but I’m not. I’ve been here before. The path is not new. I don’t need a map. While it all makes me sad I am not surprised.

Guns of August

gr4c5Leave a comment

Tuchman, Barbara. The Guns of August. New York: Dell, 1971.

My copy of The Guns of August is a squat, 576 page, dirty, and torn paperback. It has been taped several times over and written in much, much more. Nothing drives me more nuts than a library book with someone’s scrawl all over it. Donated or not, it never should have gotten into the collection that way. But, back to the actual book.

The Guns of August is nothing short of impressive. It should have won a Pulitzer for history but because Pulitzers for history can only be handed out for U.S. history, it got one for nonfiction. Same diff in my book. It was a national best seller, John F. Kennedy referred to it on more than one occasion as the end all-be all for political strategy and it was made into a movie. In other words, the critics have weighed in – it’s a good book.

Lines that (oddly) made me laugh: “Systematic attention to detail was not a notable characteristic of the Russian Army” (p 78).
“Messimy telephoned to Premier Viviani who, though exhausted by the night’s events, had not yer gone to bed. “Good God!” he exploded, “these Russians are worse insomniacs than they are drinkers”…” (p 109).

BookLust Twist: In More Book Lust in the chapter, “Barbara Tuchman: Too Good To Miss” (p 225). Indeed.
Confession: because of the length of The Guns of August I read it for the entire month of January.

Fool

gr4c5Leave a comment

Dillen, Frederick G. Fool. Chapel Hill: Algonquin, 1999.

Fool is the kind of book that initially makes you squirm. Its main character, Barnaby Griswold is such the train wreck that you cannot help but be embarrassed by him, and worse, for him. You pity him because he is the epitomy of loser in addition to fool. He cheats. He steals. What he does not have in morality he makes up in enormous ego. Middle aged and homeless. Paunchy and divorced, Barnaby seems like the ultimate lost cause. While the book has a predictable ending and there are no stun-the-reader moments you cannot help but fall in love with Barnaby and root for him as the underdog, even in his worst moments. Sort of like the Cardinals in the superbowl…

Favorite quote: “Then he flared his shins to bend his knees, because evoking the gym on a good evening made him feel like an athlete” (p 132).

BookLust Twist: From More Book Lust twice. In the chapter called, “Friend Makers” (p 95) and in the chapter called, “You Can’t Judge a Book By Its Cover” (p 238).

Good Patient

gr4c5Leave a comment

Duisberg, Kristin Waterfield. The Good Patient. New York: St Martin’s Press, 2003.

I am a sucker for first books. I seriously love that first attempt that gets published; the I-Made-It book. The Good Patient is not only Waterfield’s first book, it’s a great first book. I loved nearly every word of it (and yes, I will get to the “nearly” part of that statement in a moment). But, first the general overhaul:

Darien Gilbertson reminds me of Brenda Leigh Johnson only in the extreme. Like Brenda, Darien is a force to be reckoned with in her professional life. She is successful enough to outshine the big boys. Yet, her personal life is a mess. Despite having a husband who adores her Darien has this insatiable need to self destruct. If she isn’t breaking her own bones, she is cutting and burning herself. She has more than come undone. When her husband forces her to seek professional help Darien is quick to accept, thinking she can do what she’s always done – outwit the therapist and beat the world of psychiatry at its own game. Little does Darien know she has met her match the moment she sits on Dr. Lindholm’s couch. In her own right Dr. Lindholm is a force to be reckoned with. There are times when The Good Patient gets a little extreme, a little over the top but for the most part, I enjoyed Darien’s first person account of how she puts herself back together. Filled with wit, sarcasm, humor and humility, I devoured The Good Patient in an afternoon and has been put on my “read again” list.

Favorite places: Darien taking about her own birth, “Broke my collarbone and tore a hundred-stitch hole in my mother, just to get into the world” (p 4). A quote I think my sister can relate to, “The truth is there’s something wrong with my wiring that makes me smile at the most godawful things, at the most inconvenient times” (p 28). A quote that reminded me of me, “I am suddenly angry in a way I can’t explain, small tidal licks of irritation building under my skin” (p 143).

BookLust Twist: From Book Lust in the chapter, “Shrinks and Shrinkees” (p 221). I would have also included it in More Book Lust in the chapter, “Maiden Voyages” (p 158) because it is a worthy first book (IMHO).

No Wine But Roses

gr4c57 Comments

img_4458x
I didn’t get my wine last night. After working all day, stressing about the house (or lack there of), the upcoming accreditation, and going out with the girls,  wine never seemed right. I thought about it. For a second.

We got to the place and it was busy. Finding a table for four was a feat unto itself – until they made us a table right in the middle of the dance floor. Center of attention. A table that easily sat eight had half. Then we were told the table would be going away in 45 minutes…so eat fast. Great. No problem. Until they took forever to take our orders and even longer to deliver the goods. We decided it was my fanned pear salad that caused the hold up (either that or they had to make the bread for my friend’s grilled cheese sandwich).

Wine would have been impossible after dinner as well. Jostling girls in show-it-all- outfits, boisterous boys with big (beasty?) feet, loudloudloud music. When the band started I slipped away from my girls to watch my drums. A minute showcase was worth millions to me. Even thought there were two all I cared about was the talent of one. It was good to see smiles. Even better to see laughs.

Here’s the thing. Three beautiful women came out with me to celebrate a milestone in my life. We couldn’t share conversation. We couldn’t share a taste for the music. Hell, at some point, we could even share eye contact it was so crowded. But, they stuck it out for what matters to me. So, no wine but three perfect roses.

Extraordinary Voyage of Pytheas the Greek

gr4c5Leave a comment

Cunliffe, Barry. The Extraordinary Voyage of Pytheas the Greek. New York: Walker & Co,. 2001.

I have to admit that this little 178  page book took me by surprise. If the photographs and maps were removed it would be shortened to 166 pages. Take out the “further reading” section and all the quoted text and you would be left with only 156 pages (approximately) which meander just as much as Pytheas’s exploration. A good chunk of those remaining pages have large segments on periphery details like tin smelting and the electrostatic qualities of amber. Unfortunately for ancient history enthusiasts there isn’t much to refer to for first hand accounts of the travels of Pytheas. Unlike Cook or Columbus, the writings of Pytheas did not survive to present day. All that is left are the numerous documents either quoting Pytheas or written about Pytheas. Such as this book.

Favorite lines: None.

BookLust Twist:  From Book Lust in the chapter called, “Here Be Dragons: The Great Explorers and Expeditions” (p 111). Note: On The Ocean by Pytheas is also mentioned in this chapter. For obvious reasons I won’t be reading it.

Besides Being Late, February Is…

gr4c5Leave a comment

February is the Superbowl. February is forty. February is rock and roll and houses. February is family. February is putting the mourning behind.

For books, February is a lot of really fun reading. All of them are relatively short (as compared to last months):

  • The Cult of Personality by Annie Murphy Paul ~ in honor of National Psychology Month (nonfiction)
  • The Good Patient by Kristin Waterfield Duisberg ~ in honor of National Psychology Month (fiction)
  • Fool by Frederick G. Dillen ~ in honor of Friendship Month (TBEL)
  • The Color Purple by Alice Walker ~ in honor of Alice’s birthday
  • The Extraordinary Voyage of Pytheas the Greek by Barry Cunliffe~ in honor of Expect Success month
  • Inn at Lake Devine by Elinor Lipman ~ in honor of Massachusetts becoming a state in February (Lipman is a Massachusetts writer).
  • Bedtime for Frances by Russell Hoban ~ in honor of Russell’s February birthday

If there is time I will add:

  • Powers That Be by David Halberstam ~ in honor of Scholastic Journalism Month

And. Because I forgot to include this in the January Was post – I have read a total of 217 books since starting the project. Seven were in the month of January 2009.